I changed your name in my phone,

But I can’t unpin your contact,

In my book you’re still number one,

I changed my photo and my bio,

But I couldn’t take your name out of it,

I can’t erase you from me,

My wallpaper has to change but we swore we wouldn’t,

Without deciding that together,

It’s been a day but gosh I miss you

I wanna text and say I’m crying and need you,

Because I am and do,

But I can’t.

All my life the pain scale 1-10 the highest is a 9,

Ive saved my 10, and now I found it,

The great and terrible 10

I can’t let you go or move on,

I hope this isn’t forever,

Please let it be just for now,

Because if it isn’t then every boy will be compared to you,

But they can’t be you,

It’ll be unfair to me and them,

We were sweet and pure and great,

Hate that that’s a “were” now,

You’re in the past tense,

I don’t think I should drive right now,

Not cause I wanna die but I’ll be too distracted,

And I don’t wanna crash,

I was writing songs for you that I hadn’t finished,

And never sent you our anniversary one,

Guess all of those stay with me,

I wanna text you or call you and say how badly this hurts,

And how bad I want you with me,

But I can’t.

I lost my privilege to say I love you and how cute you are,

I used to be so excited that ME, I got to say that to you,

Cause I’m the one that you want,

You’re the boy I’ll always love,

My heart belongs to you forever,

Even if we can’t come back,

Even if I’m never yours again,

You’ll always be mine,

Which is scary,

I told Haley on Sunday if it isn’t you I’m done,

I’m just quitting it all,

I’m tired of being broken all the time,

I can’t move on not now or any time soon,

You are.. you were, the greatest love of my life,

I can’t give that up,

I have to take down the pictures,

Stop reading the notes,

Though we love each other still,

It’s making me sick and cry and I’m ill,

When I look at the walls and see what I no longer have,

And I hate it,

Ive never cried that hard in my life,

I couldn’t stand up, move, or walk,

And when I finally did to tell everyone I couldn’t even talk,

I’m holding hope cause you still feel like mine,

That when we get better apart,

We’ll be with each other again,

I don’t know what I’ll do if that doesn’t work,

I think I’ll just have to be me by myself,

Cause no one can live up to you,

I can’t replace what we had and neither can they,

I hate so much that that’s plausible now,

It sucks so much,

Our pinky promises and rings and clothes,

I hope they still mean something,

And that you come back to me soon,

I can’t handle this and I don’t wanna post this,

Cause when I do everyone will know,

And that means that we really are through,

So maybe not forever and I’m praying that it’s not,

I trust in God’s plan though,

And I promise I’ll take care of myself,

You told me I’m strong, though ive never believed it,

And I can get through this myself,

But my gosh does it sting,

I was supposed to FaceTime you in 18 minutes,

at 7:00am sharp like everyday,

But not everyday anymore,

I lost so much at one time,

Cause we’re moving churches,

So all my support systems are gone,

Bye random texts,

Bye little notes,

Bye FaceTimes,

Bye my support,

Bye couple’s Pinterest,

Bye cuddling hoodies,

Bye to wearing your clothes,

Bye October,

Bye hoco,

Bye December,

Bye blankets,

Bye stuffies,

Bye flowers,

Bye pictures,

Bye closeness,

Bye home,

Bye safety,

I can’t delete the Pinterest boards and I’ll NEVER be rid of the pics in my phone,

And I can’t unfollow you on anything and I can’t let you go,

I don’t think I can move on I don’t even wanna get up,

I’m not even hungry and I might throw up,

I wish I could text you and beg you not to go, I wish I had done that last night on the phone,

But that felt so selfish and I couldn’t do that,

I could hardly speak at all,

And I called you “baby” even after it ended,

And I don’t know how to not,

I love your name but it sounds weird,

Because that’s all I can call you now,

No more bean, or baby, or sweetheart, or my love, or darling, or honey, or love on either side,

And that’s making me physically sick

I had a dream last night, that you took it all back,

And I knew this would happen I was sick after that,

I couldn’t fall back to sleep and I hated that too,

Cause when I’ve been having dreams they’re all about you

It feels so final but I still won’t give up,

And please, I beg of you, please stay in touch,

Cause when we’re doing better however long it takes,

I’ll be here for you when you are more okay

I’ll wait for you right here on the side lines,

As long as it takes,

I love you I love you, I love you, but I can not let you go,

I’m sorry,