(satirical piece)

“Griselda the ugly.”

“Griselda the hellish demon.”

“Griselda the horrible.”

“Griselda the dummy.”

“Griselda the wretched.”

“Griselda the damned.”

“Griselda the monster!”

Those are just a few of the things people have called me over the years. Sure, I have a wart on my nose. I have black, beady eyes. I have old, veiny hands. I have thin, messy, gray hair. I have very pale, very green skin. I wear the typical witch attire. The black, pointy hat, the black dress, the purple, black-striped socks, the pointy, black shoes. The whole shebang. Look, I’m a witch. That’s been made totally clear, just by how I look. But they don’t ACTUALLY know me. They don’t know that I donate to charity. I don’t curse other people. I make spells to help people. For example, I casted a spell on a person who was in a wheelchair, so I could help them be able to walk. Unfortunately, as the man was up in the air, getting his legs changed, he yelled out, and yelled quite passionately if I must add, “Get my ass back down in that wheelchair, you appalling, fiendish, ultra-sick piece of crap!Tabatha, help me out! Please!” Then, I stopped my spell so the “good” witch could “help this guy out.” You know what she did? She casted a “spell” on him so he could keep using that wheelchair. A “spell” which caused that man to have his whole lower-half to vanish. “Wow! Thanks, Hot Tabatha! Before I couldn’t have the experience to walk. Now I don’t have the experience of having legs! Thanks, Cute Tabatha!” I remember him saying to Tabatha. Oh, I apologize if I forgot to bring up Tabatha, who everyone sees as the “good” witch. Sure, she’s much more prettier than me. She has a nice, pink dress. She has a small tiara on her head, which admittedly does look cute. She has a cute, small nose. She has very luscious lips. She has very silky smooth skin. She’s an undeniable beauty. I get why people like her much more, but let me tell you something, she is NOT good. Not good at all. She can be a real…..you know. An often sadistic one at that. Do you remember the lower-half from that guy which Tabatha managed to get rid of? Well, I know what she actually did with that lower-half. She took it to her home, which is this grand castle, that she TOTALLY does not deserve. When she got home, she went down to her secret dungeon. You probably are wondering how I know that? Well, I was following her without her knowing that I was following her. I wasn’t being obsessive, I was just being curious if you were wondering. I only saw Tabatha get inside the secret dungeon while I was outiside of her castle, watching her as I peeked through her castle’s windows without her knowing, of course. And once I saw her get inside the dungeon, I casted a spell on the window I was peeking through where it lifts or opens things up without making any sound. Some of my spells can be quite convenient. The window got opened, and I, before I got inside her castle, casted a spell on myself, making me invisible so I could go inside her secret dungeon. That, and I also a casted another spell, making me able to remember everything someone says so I can write about it, maybe show those writings to people, proving that Tabatha is a complete ass. Again, I’m not being obsessive or anything, I just want to prove a point. I got inside the castle and followed her to the secret dungeon. It took a while to be there because the stairs were LONG and twisty. But once I finally got off the stairs, I was there. I was in her secret dungeon. I expected it to be really messy with dead bodies scattered, blood smeared, and gore everywhere, but what I actually saw was just your typical dungeon. It actually looked pretty clean, cleaner than my whole haunted house ever was. Anyways, I saw Tabatha again, walking up to a massive vault that was sealed shut. She got out her wand and tapped the vault lightly with her wand. She took a few steps back, letting the vault open. She got inside this hidden room when the vault was fully opened. As she got inside, I quickly and quietly ran as much as I possibly could to also get inside this hidden room. I managed to get inside as the vault just barely got fully closed again. When I was inside this hidden room in this already secret dungeon, I was shocked. I could not believe how much stuff there was. There were unpaid taxes. There was stolen money. There were tied-up orphans sleeping on their spiky beds. There were ripped-up toys. There were tons of other people’s belongings, like a couch, a gaming console, a toaster, a door, a toothbrush, a guy’s entire collection of questionable manga, a potato for some reason and so on and so forth. Oh yeah, also there were a lot of bones randomly all over the room but that didn’t really surprise me as much. Then I saw Tabatha walking to the middle of this hidden room, still holding the lower-half from that guy in the wheelchair. What I saw her do was go through her bra to get out a small bell. Once she got it out, she moved her hand back and forth, which caused the bell to make a little ring. Suddenly, I heard and then saw something coming down, something disfigured, something strange, something that I never saw before until it finally came down with a loud crash. This thing that just came down was none other than a GoblinCerberusDragon, which has the three heads of Cerberus and some similar behavior to it. The heads of goblins, having big foreheads, pointy ears, sharp, jagged teeth, viciously blood-shot eyes, and small noses. And the body of a dragon, having the scaly skin, powerful size, mighty wings, and several abilities( fire breathing, flying, and strength) of one. She said “Here’s lunch, sweetie. Sorry, it took mommy longer than usual. I had to go somewhere after I got your lunch. I had to help this old woman happy by getting her across the street………but I also had to make her invisible as she would go across the street so she could probably get hit by one of the passing cars. She said she was feeling depressed and needed something to make her feel better, so that’s what I did for her. The old hag didn’t die, unfortunately. The person who hit her was actually someone she loved in high school but never, in her youth, had the confidence to talk to him. She wants me to help her again with her date.” I saw her sigh in disappointment, having her head low. She then said “Well, I get to feed you. Atleast that makes me happy.” The GoblinCerberusDragon wagged its tail excitedly, jumping up and down, causing the whole castle to shake. Tabatha had to get her wand out, making sure to other people around that the castle was not moving at all. Apparently, she’s done this before, knowing how GoblinCerberusDragons act like this often. “Mikey, calm down now! Please! You know I can’t do this forever! So just calm down, and then I’ll give you your food!” After Tabatha said that and started raising the lower-half up to the GoblinCerberusDragon, It promptly stopped jumping and just sat down, desperately wanting its food. She then said “Okay, good boy! Here you go!” She threw the lower-half up to the GoblinCerberusDragon. It was very happy as all of its three heads got close and had their teeth into the lower-half, ripping it up to shreds. She said “Oh, yes, I love it when you rip these bodies up. It gives me such pleasure, especially when it’s one of those idiots I have to be with. But it’s all worth it! Just so I can have power over these fools. Ain’t that right, Mikey?” She looked up at the GoblinCerberusDragon and smiled, making the GoblinCerberusDragon take its heads down and lick Tabatha all over her body. Tabatha was completely slobbered, and yet, instead of getting upset, started laughing madly. I got out my wand, which was thankfully invisible, and casted a spell to take myself back home. I was right back at my haunted house. The house opened its front doors, and it sucked me back in. I fell flat on the floor as the doors instantly got slammed shut. I got up and brushed myself off. Every ghoul from anywhere in the house, every spider from every web in the corners of the house, every zombie out of the ground, every vampire riding out of a randomly placed coffin, every depressed, alcoholic clown barging in, falling on the floor, covered in their booze, and every alive skeleton walking around all decided to greet me. I waved at them all and went upstairs, being careful not to step on any zombie or depressed clown and their puddles of alcohol spilling all over the floor. I got to the top of the stairs and walked to my room. I went to my bed, got under it to get out a locked-up chest wrapped in chains. I got out my wand and tapped the chest with it. The chains wrapped around the chest fell off. The lock was unlocked and what was attached to that lock fell off too. The chest immediately opened up when the lock and chains were off from the chest. A small, cutesy-looking unicorn came out of the chest. That unicorn is my pet unicorn named Thaddeus. Why did I go home to see my pet unicorn? Well, Thaddeus helps me whenever I get really bothered by something or if I feel way too down. I mean, it just bothers me when I see that Tabatha act that way, clearly being wrong. And yet, no one wants to say anything because she’s the “hot” and therefore “popular” witch. But whenever I do anything like donating to charity, I either get ignored or mistreated terribly. My donations have never been considered for any charity. Any at all. While Tabatha’s “donations”ALWAYS get accepted the moment they get to be sent to the people behind those charities. Those “donations” are just many death threats to the people behind charities saying that they are all like Autism Speaks, corrupt, harmful, and ironic, which is ironic since I saw in her castle, a poster for Autism Speaks, rolled up next to her grand chair. And yet, they listen to her and close the charities. It always happens! She always gets what she wants! Ain’t that unfair, Thaddeus? Awww, thanks for being my little cuddle buddy. I really appreciate it. I just wished that I could just get my wand and cast a spell, making the world more honest, more fair. And no, I can’t change reality with my magic. No witch can. It’s a sad fact. Only people can, but do you think that people aren’t already willing to just accept whatever happens in life? In any of their lives, really? Although MOSTLY yes, the answer is still basically yeah.