Why do I want to sleep

Why do I feel alone

I text people

But I still feel alone in my own little bubble

It’s not the same when face to face

But also

I don’t want to text them to talk

I want them to text me

Saying

‘Hey, how you doing?’

‘I want to talk about smth’

Or i dont know

Just tired of me texting others first sometimes

And when people do text me

They want info

Or something

Yea I get it

But still

I feel alone in my little bubble

It’s hard to understand

I also figured something out

I do a thing

When I feel like it’s my fault

When I feel like I deserve it

When i feel like I made the mistake to earn it

It’s complicated

My brain

When im talking

Goes from one thing to the next

And i probably annoy people with it

I feel sad a lot lately

Putting on a fake smile

Pressure is on me

Trying to be someone else’s life

Like they are living through me

It sucks

A lot of things suck

Just once

I want a person

To understand

I already have one

Maybe two

But definitely one

Thank you to that person

I also figured out

That I copy my friends

Personality a but

Like I take bits and pieces from them

And is it to try to fit in?

And to be more like them?

I don’t know

I’m not going to say

What they are

Cause even then

I am still trying to figure it out

But I am in my own little bubble

It feels

Just lying on my bed

Wanting to talk to people

But then I don’t want to talk to people

It’s like I crave something

I don’t want

I have one ore two friends

That help me and I help them

But at the moment

It only feels like one friend who actually wants to talk

I know it’s summer and their busy

And im just probably being annoying writing this

When they have their own stuff

But they can at least say something

But yea

Everything is confusing

Emotions are confusing

I don’t understand them

I want to

And I try to

But writing is the only thing

That helps sometimes

But also like

I feel like a burden

To my own friends

Like they are going to dispense me away

And that they don’t care what I feel

Or what I’m going through

But like when I am writing words

And saying that their thoughts

That should mean somehting is up

I know it might seem i am being rude

But I am not trying to be rude

I am just trying to cope

And this is how I do it

So don’t take this personally

I still like you friends

So don’t worry about it

Okay?

You did nothing wrong

And I am in the wrong

I also just want a hug once in a while

Even when I hate contact

(This is not good but you know cope! I don’t mean to be rude at all :( and Thats arnt all the emotions but they are so hard to writeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I don’t mean feel like I am in the wrong from writing this but Thats ok 👍. Uhh dont make fun of yourselves your awesome)