I’m trying so hard to be okay,

Yet failing all the same.

I’m trying, I swear I’m trying,

But I readily accept the blame.

I want to be saved,

Though no one is that heroic.

The bars holding me back are defended by yours truly,

My face blank, always stoic.

Because if I show my true self,

I know you’ll all leave.

If one tear slips,

You’d only provide more for me to wipe off with my sleeve.

This darkness no longer feels foreign as it once did,

Seeping into all corners of my mind.

No, nothing out of the ordinary.

There is no spectacular difference to find.

And I don’t want my journey to end,

Don’t misunderstand,

But I’m so tired,

And no one lends a single hand.

Never enough in my eyes,

Too much in yours,

Perfect is a long ways aways,

And all I see is closed doors.

I’m so scared for people to see,

This monster I’ve become,

When I finally return,

No longer number one.

I want to trust,

But friendship, care, love?

It all seems like a scheme,

With all of you laughing from above.

I’ve played this games before,

I won’t be tricked again.

I want to open up,

To be able to call someone “best friend”.

Yet I have lied to them all,

Pretended to be someone I was not,

And I can’t reveal it now,

I’d only receive shocked faces and taunts.

This all is an insight,

To how much I hide,

Concealed behind a mask,

And it will most likely never come off. No, I have too much pride.

Where there was once softness,

Has turned to stone.

I pushed everyone away in distrust,

Leaving me all alone.