Whenever I see them together

A joy fills my heart,

he is happy.

I see fulfillment,

a promise made to me long ago,

passed down,

the promise to love me.

Whenever I see them together,

A joy fills my heart,

and a question fills my mind,

"Why not me?".

I see what I could've had,

what was was stolen from me,

what I long for,

the love and favor of our mother.

Known now by many names I am

...

Every night, I am burdened with returning to the hellscape in which I see whenever I sleep. Whenever i am speaking I carful to avoid comparing anything to hell, because after going there every single night without fail, I now realize the gravity that analogy has, and that nothing I face in the day is abhorrent enough for that title.

When I describe it I always describe it as an upside down alice ...