And now I can see,

—perhaps just a little bit—

why you hate me.

Note: I’m so random y’all, I’m posting these purely to get them out of my mind. 🩷...

The trees

They were every shade of blue and green and orange and brown

And hues I could not see

For I was too young to believe

That there was a power greater

Than my own restless sea

And I was too overwhelmed

By these material things

That the birds that sang outside my window every morning were nothing to me

But now,

Things are still

Nothing happens against my own will

I was too busy fighting a ba...

“I don’t even know if you’re being genuine.”

May the waves wash away the countless times I’ve heard these words

And may there be some soul out there

Who recognizes my feelings

And does not lessen them

I am always.

Genuine....

Do you want to talk about anything today?

No.

Yes.

Do you want to play a game?

Yes.

No.

You see,

I’d rather spill my guts than my words

And I’d rather slowly go insane,

Than open up,

Because my mind is a different place

Inescapable, closed off, caged

I’d rather you know my feelings by the look in my eyes

The emptiness inside

I’d rather you see how I am when I walk into the room...

When I speak my feelings

A smile is always plastered on my face

Because I was once a little girl

In need of a place

[Crack]

A place where everyone understood

Where everyone could see that my eyes

Held no emotion

And my smile never fully stretched

[Crack]

Now when I speak

I see the memories in the past

“Can’t you be genuine for once?”

[Crack]

I am, but no one can ever s...

I love you with my soul,

An imprint not on skin or bone but deep within

...

(Tip: read the poem in a quick desperate style, as if begging someone to stay with you)

If your hand

Could reach inside

My heart what would you do

With it that beats so slowly

Would you pull the cord that unravels it?

It matters not to me,

You, could be bleeding me dry

And I would only think not to dirty your clothes

If you reached,

You would find only you inside...

I feel a hand grip my throat

Suffocating in the depths of my mind

The hand is my own...

TW: self-harm, suicidal thoughts

I realized today that I was suicidal

I was laying downstairs on the floor next to my mom

And I began to cry

My dad wanted me to do the dishes

My mom rolled her eyes

I ran upstairs

Every week she does this

I heard

I went into a dark room

So dark I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face

And I laid there on the floor

For an hour I sat there and imagined...

What can I say?

When I can’t express through words

Why should I stay?

When there’s nothing worth staying for

How could I leave?

When everyone is depending on me

For once in my lifetime,

Let the weight fall on someone else’s back

Snap

My spine breaks in half...