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There is a certain peace in expression. Don’t you think?
Briana Barnes
1 min read
No matter what…
What I do,
What I say,
How I act,
How I am,
It always plays out the same way.
It’s never me.
Not in the end.
No matter how I love,
How much I try to be a friend.
Everything goes,
Everyone leaves in the end.
You’d think I’d be used to always being left,
But I can’t wrap my head around the fact…
That I’m always treated like that.
Why am I always treated like this?...
Poetry
The good things…
And the bad.
All we ever had,
All you threw away.
All you took for granted…
Everytime you sunk your hooks in,
Everytime you led me astray.
Me always getting mad at myself,
For being foolish…
For letting history repeat itself.
As if you didn’t show me,
Who you really were…
All those times before.
Why would this time have been any different?
The truth is,
I really don’t know...
I’m too invested …
I do the worst job of keeping my own heart protected.
I’m far to giving…
It lets people think they can walk all over me.
I understand the struggle…
But I would never change who I am.
And if you push me way past the point
Where I break.
I can’t promise what I’ll do.
When it my heart that’s at stake....
Are you talking about me again?
Another fight?
Another argument?
Because it’s always my fault, right?
When it really comes down to it.
My ears always ringing…
Because your trashing my name,
Since everything went south.
Never holding any accountability,
For the sour taste you left in my mouth....
Birds circled overhead…
Because they were ready to feast…
On what has long been dead.
The old me…
I’ve shed her skin,
Standing over the carcass as we speak…
She was weak.
Too kind, too fogiving.
Me?
Not anymore.
I can’t be…
Look at all the scars in her back,
From all the knives that stabbed her.
All those wounds…
From the people who ‘loved’ her.
Hardened my heart,
Won’t let anyone like that in...
My sanity.
My peace of mind.
My dignity.
Everything that was left of me.
Gone.
You took it all.
You win.
So please, never bother me again....
It. Haunts. Me.
Every. Little. Thing.
My. Heart. On. Strings.
Pulled. In. Every. Single. Direction.
Yet. Still. Never. The. Right. One.
Crying. Late. At. Night.
Because. No. One. Ever. Sees. Me.
No. One. Ever. Knows. Me.
Not. Truly.
A. Puppet. On. Strings.
Bending. Always. To. Your. Whim.
Isn’t. This. My. Life. To. Live?...
There’s something about being called a problem
That makes me want to be maniacal
A menace you could say…
It’s just so funny because even though everything in me is pushing me in that direction…
I was not wired that way.
Too nice for my own good.
Always taken for granted.
What have you ever done for me?
Except leave.
And show me you’re shameless.
I have a lot to give,
And I know you know that.
...
Hate that I entertained you…
Why am I like this?
Accepting to a fault…
And NO, I don’t deserve this.
Goodness outpouring from my veins…
I can’t help it.
And inate need to help anyway I can…
And you took, when it was convenient.
Beneath the surface I am good.
Misunderstood, but good.
What are you though?
Twisted in some sense…
People don’t treat people that way,
When they ‘care’ about them.
I think it finally happened…
I think I hate you now…
I don’t know what took me so long to really…
Because it was always about you,
And never me.
Put you first,
You loved that.
Me always on the back burner…
My feelings never mattering enough.
As lovers or even just as friends,
You deceived me.
Made me believe all the things…
When in reality,
Nothing you ever said was true.
Unless it came to ...