The last time I saw her, she was cloaked in darkness. She hid her secrets well. She always had.

There I slouched, her most recent victim, beaten and bloody, exposed and riddled with shame. It only took 15 years, but I’d served my time and paid my dues. Suitcases packed, van loaded with life’s accumulation of failures, it was finally time to bid her adieu. My farewell wasn’t so much a parting as ...

“I am Gas Man,” Ernie said somberly. “It’s not what you think.”

Leah sat, dumbly staring. Dude wasn’t even wearing a uniform. And who cares, anyway, what the guy does for a living?

“I don’t care what you do for a living, you big dummy. I like you for who you are.”

“No.” His tone was flat, but his rear end was _flatulent, _as it turned out. “I’m sorry, but I have to explain, before you lose co...

Oh beautiful laundry! Piled so seductively on the bathroom floor Somehow you have missed the hamper And now you have sent me a scout It is your most loyal subject, a lone pungent sock! Mysteriously appeared from out of nowhere It stands at attention in the corner More comely than last week’s pizza crust Fresher than the stench of other people’s socks You have caressed my feet as they walked to the...

The sun grew weary of seeing men squander its light I’ll blind you, it vowed And it blasted out a fiery spear The Earth accepted it without defending herself She was tired of being raped All went dark...

I never belonged to this life. That’s why I must end my journey here. Same old shit story: uncomfortable in my own skin, and surrounded by a world that makes me feel less like myself every day.

It turns out I’m incompatible with life.

I think perhaps if I were a car, I’d be a Gremlin with a cracked windshield and a rear flat tire. And I’d have the shittiest paint job you ever saw: pale salmo...

One day, the earth cracked open And another asshole leapt out, smirking with malice I ended up marrying him Like an idiot

A red dawn appeared out of the blue And I threw a thunderbolt at it, but it eluded me I ended up causing a landslide I hit bottom

A trash compactor with teeth yawned widely And I threw everything I loved into it I ended up alone Like garbage...

I recognized his eyes as soon as he walked through the door. I froze. I couldn’t do this right now.

“Shannon, take off the mask.”

“Why? This is awesome! I look exactly like you! It’s unbelievable!”

I made a low, deep growl and clutched my hair with both hands, tugging fiercely. The pain distracted me from the irritation I felt over being dismissed. I straightened and stared at her without say...

When I entered the old bookstore that day, to cast off the stresses of the external world, I found my friend. It was leaning in thoughtful repose upon the upper shelf of the general fiction area, practically invisible beneath layers of dust. Probably a store clerk had misplaced it, tossing it carelessly amidst unintentional adversaries. Patrons always gravitated to its neighbour, that ubiquitous, ...

Teach me serenity Not to treat life like a series of earthquakes Teach me to make others laugh Instead of always calling out their mistakes Teach me to cheer people on Not disclaim their successes Teach me to be a winner To rechannel the anger that depresses Teach me to pick myself up after I fall Not wallow when I don’t get it right the first time Teach me to smile in spite of it all Not to...

Our fate is sealed But how can it be so, when every defining moment is a decision we make? And we can do nothing Yet even in doing nothing, we accomplish something To change it Oh, but in life, change really is the only constant!...