The last time I saw her, she was cloaked in darkness. She hid her secrets well. She always had.

There I slouched, her most recent victim, beaten and bloody, exposed and riddled with shame. It only took 15 years, but I’d served my time and paid my dues. Suitcases packed, van loaded with life’s accumulation of failures, it was finally time to bid her adieu. My farewell wasn’t so much a parting as ...

“I am Gas Man,” Ernie said somberly. “It’s not what you think.”

Leah sat, dumbly staring. Dude wasn’t even wearing a uniform. And who cares, anyway, what the guy does for a living?

“I don’t care what you do for a living, you big dummy. I like you for who you are.”

“No.” His tone was flat, but his rear end was flatulent, as it turned out. “I’m sorry, but I have to explain, before you lose co...

Oh beautiful laundry!

Piled so seductively on the bathroom floor

Somehow you have missed the hamper

And now you have sent me a scout

It is your most loyal subject, a lone pungent sock!

Mysteriously appeared from out of nowhere

It stands at attention in the corner

More comely than last week’s pizza crust

Fresher than the stench of other people’s socks

You have caressed my feet as they walked to the...

The sun grew weary of seeing men squander its light

I’ll blind you, it vowed

And it blasted out a fiery spear

The Earth accepted it without defending herself

She was tired of being raped

All went dark...

I never belonged to this life. That’s why I must end my journey here. Same old shit story: uncomfortable in my own skin, and surrounded by a world that makes me feel less like myself every day.

It turns out I’m incompatible with life.

I think perhaps if I were a car, I’d be a Gremlin with a cracked windshield and a rear flat tire. And I’d have the shittiest paint job you ever saw: pale salmo...

One day, the earth cracked open

And another asshole leapt out, smirking with malice

I ended up marrying him

Like an idiot

A red dawn appeared out of the blue

And I threw a thunderbolt at it, but it eluded me

I ended up causing a landslide

I hit bottom

A trash compactor with teeth yawned widely

And I threw everything I loved into it

I ended up alone

Like garbage...

I recognized his eyes as soon as he walked through the door. I froze. I couldn’t do this right now.

“Shannon, take off the mask.”

“Why? This is awesome! I look exactly like you! It’s unbelievable!”

I made a low, deep growl and clutched my hair with both hands, tugging fiercely. The pain distracted me from the irritation I felt over being dismissed. I straightened and stared at her without say...

When I entered the old bookstore that day, to cast off the stresses of the external world, I found my friend. It was leaning in thoughtful repose upon the upper shelf of the general fiction area, practically invisible beneath layers of dust. Probably a store clerk had misplaced it, tossing it carelessly amidst unintentional adversaries. Patrons always gravitated to its neighbour, that ubiquitous, ...

Teach me serenity

Not to treat life like a series of earthquakes

Teach me to make others laugh

Instead of always calling out their mistakes

Teach me to cheer people on

Not disclaim their successes

Teach me to be a winner

To rechannel the anger that depresses

Teach me to pick myself up after I fall

Not wallow when I don’t get it right the first time

Teach me to smile in spite of it all

Not to...

Our fate is sealed

But how can it be so, when every defining moment is a decision we make?

And we can do nothing

Yet even in doing nothing, we accomplish something

To change it

Oh, but in life, change really is the only constant!...