the scars on my heart

and plentiful

Different sizes

different lengths

different depths

each unique

as if from different weapons

some from romance

some from friends

some from family

a few from strangers

the scars on my heart

match the scars

on my body...

i am so full of anger

my blood boils

my head pounds

and my vision goes blurry

i want to scream

i want to run

i want to cry

i want to hit something

until it breaks

and becomes as broken as me

so i punch

i kick

i yell

i pull my hair

i fall to the floor

i cry

and i punch until i split every knuckle

and i even break one

but at least im not as angry...

and the stars all fell

the moment he said

that he didn’t love me

anymore

he didn’t mean it

but he wanted to hurt me

and he did

so badly

i don’t know how

i’ll ever love again...

TW: MENTIONS / IMPLICATIONS OF SELF HARM, SUICIDE, SEXUAL ASSAULT

Where was my guardian angel

when i was crying

on the floor

begging to be normal?

Where was my guardian angel

when I was lying in bed

debating if I

should take my life?

Where was my guardian angel

when i held a blade to my wrist

and cut until i ran

out of room?

Where was my guardian angel

when i was everyone else’s

and i needed...

Rotting flowers still smell sweet

Broken glass still sparkles

Snapped branches are still strong

Trampled hearts are still tender

And healed scars are still scars...

wrong

always wrong

heaven and hell

where will i go?

i can only hope heaven

but i am meant for hell

how could anyone deny i deserve justice

i was not truly meant for this reality

because i am inherently wrong in a world where

wrong means bad and bad means condemnation no matter what...

A house

full of sleepless nights

crying children

screaming parents

harsh blows

and harsher words

but never worse than the atrocities committed

A home

full of comfort

laughing children

loving parents

words of encouragement and wisdom

hugs and kisses

where strikes used to fall

how oppositional a home can be to a house...

Picking and pecking

cawing and screeching

ominous yet stunning

Dances and twirls

Walks and wanders

Explores and watches

She’s an anomaly

Her presence ambiguous

Is she a warning or an enticement?...

Suddenly

the ground is

quaking

beneath my feet

My world turns

upside down

My heart

shatters

into a million

pieces

As I realize

He’s really gone

No coming back

I’ll never

see

him

again...

my world is blue

a dark, deep blue

like the depths

of the ocean

or the deep blue

of the night sky

seemingly empty

but full of sadness

numb but feeling

entire world

built on lies

blue

blue

blue...