I couldn’t breathe. My chest felt tight, my throat was closing, a knot of anxiety sat in my right shoulder. The weight of silence attempting to drown me

No.

That couldn’t be,

no.

“What did you do?”

I tore my eyes from my mutilated brother to look my other one in the eyes. He looked so scared. I’d never seen Tim like this before. His eyes were wide, his arms wrapped around his stomach. He ...

If there was one thing Tim was expecting to find in the middle of the apocalypse, it was not James.

Tim had just announced that the hallway was clear when he came face to face with a gun. Tim slowly raised his hands, trying to see the person holding the gun.

Holy fuck

Tim’s heart skipped a beat as James’ gun slowley lowerd, his scowl melting off his face.

“Tim?” James asked softly

Tim hugg...

The sobbing of an over worked infant. Sweet air wafting from the food court. The laughter of an old couple, the bark of a service dog....

I promised him

I promised

The bombs falling around me remind me where I am. Remind me that I left him.

We were just walking, just getting to our next post. He was laughing next to me, telling me a stupid joke.

Then he was on the ground, choking on his blood. I tried to lunge for him, I tried to get him back to safety. I could see the fear in his eyes. Staring at me while he bled to death.

...

This is his home.

The yelling, and the screaming, and the pain and the joy, erupting all at once.

Everything.

Everwhere.

The screaming of a baby, the sobbing of an over worked parent. A child with a stubbed toe, his friend crying from his joy. The end of winter, snow melting while flowers grow. End to the beginning. The middle in it all.

The mundane was not for him.

This is his home....

“Maybe that’s why your brother killed himself”

The words were a punch to my gut. Suddenly I couldnt breath. Realization settled into Sam’s face. Holy shit.

“I- I didnt mean-“ Sam tried to explain himself

I couldnt respond. I opened my mouth, gasping for words like a fish out of water.

“Mark I didnt, I’m sorry-“

“Fuck off” I pushed him off as he tried to put a hand on my shoulder. Jesus chr...

I tried, ok?

I did my best. I lived how i thought i could. I laughed, i loved, i cried.

I got up each day. I took care of my cat, I loved my cat.

I loved you.

If you can give in, why can’t I?

You told me to be strong. You told me to fight, to win, to be stronger.

I tried....