Being a mom is amazing

Being a wife is amazing

I’m still entirely myself

I’m not drowning in to do lists

I’m not treading water with payments and bills

I’m not yearning for myself before I was either.

When I was me. When the bathroom was a sacred place for me to escape with my thoughts. For a time when all I knew was my creativity and its endless bounds. When I had someone in my corner that I KNEW would be honest because she was always critical.

Being a mom is fantastic

Being a wife is fantastic

I’m not concerned if I’m too grown now.

Thinking of a time when I could put a pen to paper and it would just flow. When I carried a notebook around for “emergencies” in case a spark of creativity hit me. All the while suffering in silence for fears that my struggles fall upon deaf ears. Turning for any type of connection to the person that is supposed to love me unconditionally- funny way of showing it.

Being a mom is perfect

Being a wife is perfect

I’m so happy to be on my own

Everyday passes by “I really should call my sister” sounds so strange in my head when she was just the bed next to mine just last week. Spending my time thinking “why was I so mean to her” when I know the answer is because we were made that way. Never to be sister but to be rivals in a sick twisted game. Gladiators in a colosseum fighting for the king’s approval. All my time spent bickering and arguing- finally to be put aside just for me to escape

Being a mom is hard- but it is the best thing I’ve ever done. I can’t imagine a world in which I ever tell my children that “I gave up my life for you” or that “they are lucky I chose life”

Being a mom is tough- but never can I think that I would ever allow my children to suffer in silence for the sake of convenience or appearances

Being a wife is work- but I’ve never felt more seen or heard in my entire life. I don’t spend countless nights sobbing into my pillow hoping that it will all just come crashing down around me.

Being a wife is struggles- but I have someone who takes the time to give me criticisms without it being an attack on my personality or sense of self.

I am here.

And after all of that I still find myself distraught that you are not.