(Please don’t hate me butterfly.)

*TW: Sh/Self harm*

You are only a call away, so why can’t I just talk to you. I trust you. Hell, I only trust you. Soo why can’t I just speak. What if you’ll want to leave me? Shit, fuck, fuck, fuckkk! Fuck.

What if it’s semi-conscious? I mean I don’t mean to pull my hair or bite my knuckles! But I still continue even when I realize what I’m doing…

Fuck. I don’t know anymore! You said hair pulling and biting yourself is self harm so according to you…, I’m not even a month clean. I know self harm isn’t just cutting, but I never realize that it could be… that. I’ve been saying I was clean and I thought it was true, but was it all a lie? Was I just gaslighting myself and lying to you.

Please don’t hate me. Please, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it was sh. Please don’t relapsed, please. Hell, I’m on my fucking knees. Don’t follow after me.

Please don’t relapsed. I will teach myself to stop once I realize what I’m doing or entirely stop doing it, conscientiously and subconsciously. Please just don’t hurt yourself. It’s not your fault. Please don’t hate me. Please don’t leave me. Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please.

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I’m fucking sorry and I hope you can believe me.

I’m sorry. I get it if you’re tired of me, you can leave if you please. I know I deserve it after this shit. I’m sorry. I’d do anything to prove it, to prove I’ll try my hardest and more to not. Fuck. Fuck me.

Please Butterfly,

Please don’t fly away…