How can I tell if I successfully turned the oven on? I speak way too loudly into my phone. “Googlee, come onn,” I groan while resting on the edge of the kitchen counter. This cooking shit is way too complicated, I might need to look into trying harder in school. DING my phone goes off so loudly it jumps out of my hand. I scramble to my knees to grab it before I’m able to read an emergency alert.

“Lock your doors and try to reach safety, an unidentified shooter has been spotted in your area. They are armed and violent, killing anyone they come into contact with. If you see them, contact the authorities immediately.”

“Thank god I have one of those smart safe features for my house, no way they are getting in,” I say proudly as the power goes out. Life hates me I swear. Then without warning I hear the sound of my neighbor’s screams accompanied by gunshots. The shooter is so close to me, is this how I die? Possibly, I mean I’m not much of a fighter unlike those probably now dead survival freaks who lived next door.

Suddenly I’m hit with a realization, I’m standing on the first floor of my unprotected house in my pajamas and bra about to get shot by the shooter next door. I mean I won’t even die comfortably with this underwire. Then the second realization hits me, they’ve been quiet for a while. I tear through the kitchen and dash up the stairs into my hallway closet. While hiding behind some clothes I take off my bra and put on something for comfortable in the event I die. What can I say? I’ve got my priorities straight. Click… my kitchen door was just opened.

I crouch behind some boxes, I’m not going to so much as breathe. If I pass out then there’s no way they’ll hear me, if they do I’ll die painlessly (win win). They, almost copying me a minute ago, dash up the stairs. A burnt smell follows them, could that be the gun? Clouds start to form in my hiding space, dark gray clouds. The masked person stumbled against the wall breathing heavily, they try to remove their mask to use their inhaler but its connected to the rest of their suit. The shooter’s stuggle ends with them asphyxiating on the floor right outside my closet.

I guess the oven was on after all.