VISUAL PROMPT
Tasked with hosting your friend's engagement celebration, you throw an elaborate party in a forest.
The Forest Princess
“Lily,Lily,Lily!” Abbie came darting into the living room all smiles. “I have something amazing to tell you!” “What is it?” I replied. “Zach and are getting married!” I couldn’t even hide my excitement. “This is amazing. You and Zach are going to be a wonderful couple.” This is what I’ve been waiting for ever since she started dating Zach two years ago. I had a hunch he was the one.
Abbie and I have been friends for 8 years. I’m 24 now and Abbie is 22. She’s aways been kind of boy-crazy but I could care less! “I was wondering,” Abbie began, “…If you would plan the wedding.” I thought about it and I couldn’t say no! I am a wedding planner so it’s kinda my job plus, she is one of my best friends. “Yes! Of coarse.” Abbie was so happy “I just don’t know where I want it.” “I’ll start planning it tonight. I’m sure we’ll find something.”
That night after Abbie left I started planning. I searched up on my computer where the best places are to have a wedding in Georgia. Two searches popped up. A local forest wedding was one idea. “Abbie would love that!” I thought to myself. That was easy now I just have to plan everything out. I went to bed sleepy. I already have dark circles under my eyes so staying up a little late couldn’t hurt.
The next day I got the idea to go to Starbucks and PLAN. I decided to wear a pretty white blouse, ripped jeans and a pair of converses. I added some hooped earrings hopped in the car. I turned on Spotify and blasted Lana Del Rey over the speakers! Then I was at Starbucks. That was when I saw him.
Matt Williams was a year older than me and actually only a few inches taller than me (I’m 4’8). He also was in college to be a Nurse. “Hey Lily! What are you working on?” His brown hair shown when the light hit it. “I’m planning a wedding for my friend Abbie and it’s in the woods!” “Well, I’m sure it will be as beautiful as the lady who’s planning it.” This caught me by surprise. “what do you mean?” I knew what he was going to say. “I’m talking about you! The girl I’ve aways crushed on!” I couldn’t help but smile!
Welcome to the community!!!
I love the concept of the story! I think to break it up a bit, maybe put a whole line in between paragraphs to make it easier to read.
(I’m 4’10, so it can be realistic for an adult person to be that height, so you’re good.)
Thank you!
Thank you so much this is good feedback and really sweet. I’ll keep working
Im not sure if you realize this but someone who is below 4 foot 10 is technically a dwarf! Just a heads up in case you didn’t know how small that really is! Sometimes you add words you don’t need to like when you wrote”couldn’t even hide” as opposed to “couldn’t hide.” The unnecessary words gives it a more casual and conversational tone which is totally fine if that’s what you’d like but I feel your writing would be more polished without! The dialogue I found to be a little too formal! Especially in comparison to the more informal internal dialogue of the protagonist. If this story takes place in modern times, people don’t generally say things like “wonderful.” Another example of using unnecessary words could be “I searched up on my computer.” I feel this is implied by simply saying “I searched.” When writing dialogue u should try using italics instead of quotes! You jump between past a present tense! It would be best to stay consistent! Also, instead of using words like “pretty” to describe a blouse, use more complex terms to give the same feeling but in a more intense and detailed way! There’s a couple moments where you use the wrong word as well! Example: coarse instead of course or shown instead of shone. Nothing major but you asked for some grammatical help as well so I thought I’d point it out! I would also suggest adding more description of surroundings and people and so on to really get the reader to be able to visualize the scene! You’re doing a great job and I can see your passion in your writing :) keep working!
