I’ve already swiped left 4 times in a row this morning. I don’t spend a long time on tinder but when I do it’s never for long. Guy holding a fish. No. Guy who says he is “only interested in high value women looking to be a homebody and mother. Whites only” absolutely never. Girl but oh wait! She’s looking for a third with her husband who looks like he’s crawled out of some ungodly place. Sorry babe. Blank profile with just “T” as their name. Nooo. And worst of all… man in skinny jeans. YUCK. Now, I’m not a picky lady. Well I am but not in a bad way. I just don’t want to end up on a crime documentary. I’m just about to close the app when I pause, pink nail hovering over the screen. Wait. He’s kind of cute. Mattie, 25. Okay. He’s got wavy brown hair, a killer smile and a thickly corded arm wrapped around the most adorable Labrador I’ve ever seen. Helloooo Mattie! Wait. He’s probably an undercover freak or something. No one looks that good in Mattersbury. Especially within a 2 mile radius. Yet… he’s a verified account… hmm okay I’ll humour this. I scroll further down. Non religious, cool. Semi-pro boxer… hmmm. Dog person. Obviously. Non smoker, social drinker. Fun. 6”-…. 6”6?! In fucking Mattersbury?! I scramble to read his bio.

“I’m quite shy to start but get me started on anything nerdy and I’ll never shut up. I’m looking for a committed relationship. I’ve just moved from London and want to set up strong roots and long term ties. I have a dog, she’s called Kimmy. And I’m also a boxer with a soft spot for family and friends. I’ll also pay for your nails if that’s your kind of thing. Oh, and when I’m not boxing I’m teaching as a chemistry teacher part time”

Welcome to my world Mattie. Population? You and I. Chemistry teaching boxer? Our children wil be leaders!!

So I do it. I swipe right.

“You and Mattie are a match”

Oh yeah. It’s all coming together baby.