“You are absolutely without a doubt a defenestrated plucked chicken, with no ham, and no business deliberating the newspaper whilest sitting in my tushy cushion!”

Well that settled it. Ted was officially done with his coffee now. “What?” Ted said in response confused and somewhat shaken.

“I said you are only human by Plato’s depiction of a person! You featherless bipedal poultry thumb, with too much protuberance on thy back side for the comfort of my poor limping seat! I’d spit at you if not for your gorgeous eyes, such a tragedy they belong to some sort of dog-turkey-man-thing on my tushy cushion!”

The man? Began to weep somewhat softly at the end of their second tirade.

“Look here, uh.., friend, *cough*. I mean and ment no offense but this is my patio an-.”

Ted was suddenly cut off.

“Friend!? FRIEND!? Are you friends with any birds!?”

“N-.“ Ted began to say.

“Well nither am I! Emu!”

As they said Emu they stuck out their toungue fully and pulled the bottom half of their left eyelid down then walked away. Ted stood up, poured his coffee on the ground, and walked inside without saying a word