STORY STARTER
Write a story which takes place near a volcano.
Try to be descriptive with the setting, whether the volcano plays a part in the plot or not.
Pompeii
Adam lives near the volcano that once destroyed an entire civilization. His people have rebuilt their live atop of those who once lived. The volcano standing in the distance, a barrier between them and an open horizon, it could never explode again. All of it’s fury was taken out on that civilization so many years ago.
The job that Adam was given by the Elders of the community was a sheep herder. He was to take his flock onto the base of the volcano where the grass was the best, and stay there all day until it was time to return them to their pen. It wasn’t the most exciting job, but it gave him a lot of time to grow his active imagination. He always pictured himself running through that forest, dodging flying debris and trying to escape the lave, like some might have tried to do when it exploded. He would never get to live out that fantasy, as it was never going to explode again. But what if it did?
One hot summer morning, he was on the volcano as usual, but something felt different. The ground seemed to shake under his feet and the climb up had seemed a lot steeper than it had before. It grew steadily hotter throughout the day, even when he was under the protection of the trees.
Adam decided to take his flock back to town early, as they were in too much unrest to eat like normal. His father saw him at the gate and ran towards him, yelling about how he was slacking on his duties. As they reached each other, Adam with his head bowed, his father became as quiet as a mouse, and his face became ashen as he stared behind Adam.
Adam, curious, turned around to see a wave of lava coming from the top of the volcano that was supposed to be extinct.
“Adam, run.” His father said, jarring him out of his stupor. He left the sheep behind, sorry, but not sorry enough to risk his life for them all. He dashed through town, yelling at everyone to get out, that they were about to die. People didn’t believe him at first, but when they looked towards their glorious volcano, they started rushing around, trying to save what they could before evacuating.
It was a mass panic, everyone crowding towards the exits away from the volcano. Unfortunately, the founders of the town had not put better exists in the town, which is exactly how the first town perished.People started trampling one another, crushing the old and feeble underfoot. Children were either carried on shoulders above the crowd, or forgotten about to be lost to the crush forever.
Adam had fantasized about this moment so many times, he knew what to do. He went down a side alley towards an exit most people did not know about, so he could escape with his life. As soon as he was safe, he started looking out for his father, but couldn’t see him. What he did see though, plagued his dreams for the rest of his life. He saw another town become extinct by the infamous volcano once more.
Nice piece, Jocelyn. I liked the personification at the start of the volcano having taken all its fury out on the civilisation before.
I think there was a typo with “It wasn’t the most excitING job”. Same with Forrest instead of forest.
I like the way you told the story, Jocelyn. It had a clear beginning where you set the scene, a middle when the tension happened, and you pointed towards an end that allowed Adam to flee to safety.
I wonder if you could have used a bit more “showing” here instead of telling here. Perhaps one example is: “Adam decided to take his flock back to town early, as they were in too much unrest to eat like normal.”
Perhaps show us about his restless flock. Describe how they moved, how they acted, how they looked. Show us this scene in our mind.
Same when the father saw the volcano. Rather than telling us his face became ashen, show us. “His father’s jaw dropped and he moved his gaze slowly upward. His bagged eyes widened as they glanced over Adam’s shoulder.”
Also, I would avoid the cliche here: “His father became as quiet as a mouse”. How could you share this same concept without using the cliche? Perhaps you could have the father angrily reprimanding Adam for his behaviour and then pausing mid-sentence. This would cause curiosity for the reader and shows you the father became quiet without telling you.
Overall, I enjoyed this, Jocelyn. Keep practicing. You told a great story here.
Thank you! And yes I will fix those typos. I didn’t even think about describing the sheep like that, that’s a good idea. And I completely agree that his father was cliche. Thank you for your feedback!!