I think…

Wow this sounds absolutely crazy to say after everything-

But truly,

I think

I’m falling in love.

The word

“Love”

Has always terrified me.

What if it ends?

What if I mess up?

What if they leave?

There is always a

“What if?”

But

I’ve been trying.

Trying to accept

That I deserve love

And I don’t have to

Earn love as if it is

Money.

Trying to accept

That I am loved.

I’m trying.

The weirdest thing is

That as soon as I

Focus on improving myself,

My mental health gets

Better.

You’d think pushing to

Get over my fears

Would end in disappointment

Or disaster,

But

I’m proud.

I spoke in front of my

Whole

Entire

School

Despite my fear of public speaking.

I opened up to my

Friends

Despite my trust issues.

I debated my teacher

(And won)

Despite my fear of authoritarian figures.

I have a perfect grade in Spanish

Despite my self doubt.

I’ve been participating in class

Despite my fear I will get something wrong and everyone will laugh.

I’m…

I’m fucking proud.

I never thought I’d make it

To a point where I could say

I’m falling in love with myself.

*I’m so proud of myself. I am actually so happy with this school year. I’m actually so happy.

Thank you to my butterfly for helping me so much and teaching me I am loved. Thank you to my teachers for making this school year great. And sorry I haven’t been posting, I honestly just have been taking a break. I don’t know how often I’ll post, I’ll try for once a week but I have a lot of extracurriculars and schoolwork this year. Hope you have a wonderful day!*