It’s that time of year.

Everyone saying “back to school!”

Everyone waiting to see their friends again.

Saying they hate it but love it too.

Saying they hate parts of it but love the rest.

Waiting for the high school football games.

Waiting for homecoming and prom.

I know it’s stereotypical.

I know it’s not a dream.

But please tell me,

Would you rather be me?

It’s that time of year.

Listening to everyone talk about seeing their friends.

Listening to everyone’s funny stories.

Watching my only friend get ready for homecoming and prom.

Sitting home alone because my friends are at school.

Time for the seasonal depression.

Time for having a crush on a boy I saw once and see occasionally.

Time for knowing I see him but him never seeing me.

They say “you’re so lucky. Homeschool must be a dream.”

Trust me, it’s not.

It’s like being trapped in your own home.

All day.

Every day.

Not knowing anyone except that one childhood friend.

Even then you’re growing apart.

You said homecoming was boring?

Overhyped?

What I wouldn’t give to experience that for merely one night.

No one’s ever asked me.

Because no one knows me.

You made it on the volleyball team?

I don’t even play any sports.

Your teacher is terrible?

My brother is worse.

I’m not saying it’s terrible.

I’m not saying public school is better.

I’m just saying be lucky you have it.

Because you socialize.

I have social anxiety.

You dance.

I read.

You have school seven hours a day.

I do nothing for four.

You don’t realize what you have until you lose it.

Lucky for me I never lost it.

I lived with it.

Fifteen years.

At home.

Alone.

Both have their perks.

But I wish I was raised in public school.

Because I can barely talk to anyone.

I lose most of the friends I rarely make.

I sit.

Wait.

Suffer.

Until summer finally comes.

And there’s people outside again.

And I feel less alone.

But just like that.

It’s gone.

So I sit.

And wait.

And suffer.

And it repeats itself again.

Like a neverending cycle.

Just me.

At home.

Alone.