did you know

you ruined me,

you ruined me at 13

i gave you three chances

and you never changed

you ruined not only me,

you ruined the trust i’d worked so hard to get

you ruined my mindset,

my interests

the way i dressed

you RUINED me

what did you want from me?

i gave you everything

it wasn’t enough

i told you something was wrong,

but you the didn’t understand why i left

you ruined me

what were you thinking

when you asked me to say the dirtiest thing i could?

i didn’t understand what you wanted from me

what did you want from me?

because then you typed a paragraph

about how you basically wanted to fuck me

I WAS THIRTEEN

smooth dude

real smooth

and then you wanted me to respond??

you knew i would do it, didn’t you?

because i did,

i texted back knowledge a thirteen year old shouldn’t have,

but i read too many spicy books

and you knew that.

and then you wanted more of that

more and more and more

I HAD NO MORE TO GIVE

why would you do that to me?

sure i participated, i knew i shouldn’t have,

but i was so scared,

i cried i was so scared

my parents were so angry

so so so angry with me

i was angry at me too

but i was furious at you

because you said you loved me

but you didn’t, not really,

i was your drug,

you couldn’t give me up

you wouldn’t leave me alone

you put your hand on my thigh at lunch

your hand getting higher and higher up by the day,

and i hated it

i hated you

i hated that you made me kiss you every day

i hated that you held my hand

i hated that you always needed to be touching me

i hated that i couldn’t stop you

because no matter how many times i told you to stop

YOU NEVER STOPPED

i was thirteen

you ruined me at thirteen

i’m still rebuilding my parents’ trust

i’m still making myself into what you took away

i am no longer the shell of the person you made me

and i’m so glad that i haven’t seen you for weeks

because, you fucking bastard, you ruined me at thirteen, and you made me thank you for it.

there’s a reason we never talk