"Oh, how I idolized you,

When I was young and dumb… well, younger and dumber, it’s only been a year.

Two years older than me, we’d never spoken before, but that day I saw you get on the train, you were stuck in my mind. And you just wouldn’t leave, would you?

I thought you were amazing, some kind of Romeo, sweet and kind, but in reality, that couldn’t be further from the truth.

I watched you, you know. You and your friends, talking, laughing during break, when you walked past me my heart would flutter, I would laugh a little too hard or talk a little too loud, just for you to see me. But you never did, did you?

You have a name, but I gave you my own. _Kiwi_, so you wouldn’t know when I talked about you. No, not talked, _gushed._ But you always knew, didn’t you? You heard it. You figured out it was you. Thought it was weird, but then it pushed your ego. You don’t like a girl, you like when a girl likes you.

I never did. I was obsessed, a break from reality that I so needed, that’s all you were for me. But now, a year later, it’s still going on.

I don’t think you know this, but I know people, ones that know you. They told me about you, warned me, not knowing how obsessed I was. “He’s a terrible person!” they’d all say, but I didn’t believe them. Only, after a while, I learned it was true. But so was I, wasn’t I? Watching, observing, learning. Never spoken, yet I know everything about you. Never spoken, still loved you. Never spoken, somehow you made my life hell. Never spoken, but you made me hate myself. Never spoken, never hated you more. And still, I don’t. Not really, anyway. I say I do, but it’s not your fault, is it? It’s mine.

So, if you ever read this, which I doubt you will, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything, for bothering you, for obsessing over you, for putting you on a pedestal and bowing down before you. I feel terrible. But that’s not what love should feel like, right?"

Note: roughly based on the mess that’s known as my life :)