“I’m scared,”

I whispered

So he holds me

And I find peace under his kisses

Don’t want to drown in fear

I always say,

“Do it scared”

You’ll only grow that way

But I worry our hearts won’t take it

The past creeping up and clawing my brain

My shoulders feeling held down

All my nerves in pain

Will his tears flood like a sea town disaster?

Will he wither in disgust?

Will we both be too scared?

But it’s my own feelings I can’t trust

I build castles in my mind

I hate the unknown

They say, “the right one won’t fail you”

Wisdom won’t glow on a phone

Will this conversation happen more than once?

Should I even tell?

Love is too uncertain

I can barely speak it to myself

A complicated sensitive wrapped up with a white velvet bow

I wish for so many things

I wish neither of us needs to know

I wish this is the last time I will have to tell

And he is the only one with whom

I will grieve my old self