I often think why I open my mind up to people, why I let myself feel I have someone to untwine my problems for me.

Why am I so desperate?

Why am I so desperate to show the person I keep bundled up in my heart with love and warmth. The little girl who loves to do what she loves, runs barefoot in the garden, cares for bumblebees when they’re hurt, who loves the smell of strawberry shampoo, who played with dolls in the bath and who is forced to go to bed when she just wants to do cartwheels in the sun. I miss her, my gorgeous younger self.

The girl who was bullied for not being pretty enough, who wondered why girls were so mean, who cried infront of her parents when she was scared, but was yelled at for being a crybaby.

I protect her now, with my whole heart, never ever let out to the harsh reality of Mother Earth. The hurt, anger, melancholy. She sleeps within me, surrounded by all of her teddies that she takes care of, making sure that they all get to sleep on the bed so they’re comfortable.

Oh, how I wish I was her.

Mind so free and pure.

Mind so full of happiness.

Since I put her to sleep, I’ve grown stronger, not allowing anyone to mess with my feelings.

I am not a pushover.

Walls built high.

No one had broke them down. Yet, I hope.

Oh, how I hope, wish in all my lucky stars, all the dandelions I blow away, all the lucky pennies I find, that someone will break them down.

I’ve read all the books, know about every live story, hoping that mine will eventually shine in the clouds.

I wish, hope, beg, that one day someone will break down my walls that surround my heart and take care of her as I have for too many years. Will cherish her like their last breath, allow her to experience the world with them beside her, to protect her.

I want. I so desperately hope, that I will feel love as if I never want the day to end, when the sun never rests, and the moon never awakens until I am ready to leave Mother Earth. Until I have felt the emotions that I thought I would never be capable of feeling, all in my soulmates arms.

Maybe then, I will be good enough.

I hope.