A lovely snapshot of a poetic moment in someone’s life, it’s always a joy to read about music, our unique and universal language.
This is a great start and it is clear you have lots of potential ready to unlock and that you are a naturally talented writer.
My only feedback (based on things that I have had to improve in my own writing) is that you should try to limit the use of the same or similar words several times, for example ‘listen’. Something that I think helps with this (without simply using synonyms which often make the writing clumpy and unnatural) is to combine sentences. For example ‘His eyes fill with tears while he listens to the lyrics. Tristan always cry’s while listening to this song. This is usually what happens when Tristan listens to music’ could become ‘as the melody weaves through the cracks in the air, spilling out and soaking the silence. Tears begin to prick at Tristan’s eyes. As always, making the room around him distort and swim in his vision.’ (Sorry that’s not a great example you could literally just say ‘as he listens, tears begin to prick his eyes, threatening the tidal wave of emotion he has come to expect from this song.’)
- I dunno, I’m still only learning too 😅 but I hope you know what I mean.
Of course, repeating words is inevitable when you are zooming in on a particular topic. Don’t aim to eliminate, just aim to limit.
Also I’d try to swap a ‘Tristan’ for ‘he’ in a few places, I just feel it is more natural. (Our brain usually skips over ‘he’, ‘she’ etc. but names are clunkier). I couldn’t advise you as to how you identify the places where you should switch - sorry 😢. You kind of just have to feel it.
Best of luck on your writing journey! I can’t wait to read your future work 😁