1: “You speak with all the effort of a fork scooping soup- you’ve got points, but they’re all rather unsuited for holding anything of it’s substance.”

2: “Perhaps that’s because there’s not much liquid sloshing around in that bowl of yours. You’re clearly lacking the capacity to contain a full-bodied idea, lest you spill it the moment the broth heats up.”

1: “If there were something worth tasting, I’d help myself to more, but your argument’s so diluted it could pass for water. You don’t let ideas simmer long enough to thicken.”

2: “Oh, so now you’re a connoisseur? You’ve barely stirred the pot, and yet you’re already calling it bland. You haven’t added a single thought worth seasoning.”

1: “No amount of spice can salvage what’s already spoiled. Your argument curdled at the boil, yet you’ve the gall to question my acuity for not choking it down. Not stirring further was discretion, don’t mistake restraint for ignorance. I don’t sous-chef disasters, I discard them.”

2: “Tossing it out already? Amateurs dump the pot and walk away. Chefs stay to taste and revise, starting over if need be. You claim the broth curdled, then pat yourself on the back for not burning your fingers. So quick to abandon the recipe, while accusing me of rushing it.” 

1: “Let’s spare us both the stomachache from a stock that split at the first sign of heat. If the premise of the recipe can’t hold under scrutiny, it was never fit to serve. Your travail for seasoning for some semblance of flavor should have started with a check for food safety. A clever garnish won’t mask its undercooked basis.”

2: “You confuse convolution for contamination. And you call the soup adulterated, but if you knew anything about reduction, you’d know clarity can come from depth, not deficiency. But then, you’ve been tossing around buzzwords like croutons- dry crunch to distract from the thickness of your critique- not richness of thought- the kind that comes from a skull too obstinate to let anything whisk.” 

1: “Yes it is rather viscous, too dense for you to swallow? Not that you’d fare well with anything heartier. A fork might’ve helped then, when there’s actual meat to it, though I doubt you’d know where to stick it.”

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2:

1:

2: (Better a colander than a sieve. At least mine lets new ideas through.

Or would you prefer everything strained through a sieve- thinned out until it conforms to your palate? )