A Bigfoot goes to the doctor For his annual check-up To make sure he’s okay To make sure he’s in good health

The doctor measures the amount of fur Bigfoot has Bigfoot had a lot Which is very healthy for Bigfoots like him The doctor got inside Bigfoot’s fur

To see how deep his fur was It was profound It took the doctor a whole hour to get out of the fur Which is again healthy for a Bigfoot

He tested Bigfoot’s strength By seeing how many curls it could do using the doctor Who weighed 147 pounds The Bigfoot picked up the doctor and started going

Bigfoot did 5 million reps using the doctor With both arms Leaving the doctor, he was pretty tired from being his dumbbell But happy since that’s a very healthy strength for a Bigfoot

He tested Bigfoot’s weight Seeing if he’s too big or not big enough Bigfoot got on the scale He fell to the floor under him with the weight

Then the next floor to the room under Then the next one And the next one Which is a very good indication of a healthy Bigfoot’s weight

He tested how deep and intimidating Bigfoot’s voice was He got out a microphone for Bigfoot He wanted Bigfoot to roar as loudly as possible

The Bigfoot took a deep breath, in and out Licked his lips And coughed to clear his throat Before he roared so loudly, so horrifically

He made everyone in the whole hospital scream And promptly run out of the building As quickly as humanly possible The doctor was happy

As he shivered Cried many tears And had his ears bleeding Since that is exactly how Bigfoot is supposed to sound

The doctor told Bigfoot, to his face “You’re a very healthy Bigfoot! There’s nothing wrong with you whatsoever!” The Bigfoot smiled at his doctor

Gave him a big hug Making the doctor both happy and struggle to breathe The Bigfoot let go of the doctor The doctor fell to the floor

Trying to calm down and not have another panic attack The doctor shoved his right hand into the right pocket of his white coat Getting out a container of prescribed SSRI drugs Opening up the container and getting a few pills in his mouth

The doctor rolled and rolled around, stricken with anxiety Wheezing, moving wildly and uncontrollably Waiting for the meds to kick in Once the drugs do, he stops moving

Stops moving completely Frozen in a panicked state Bigfoot looks confused The Bigfoot starts to whistle and walks out to the door

Until the doctor says “Don’t forget to pay me Before you go” The Bigfoot sighs and gets out his cash, hidden in his fur

“Thank you, you great Bigfoot, you” The doctor said as he was no longer frozen But he was still on the floor The Bigfoot sticker out his hand, wanting to help

But the doctor quickly replied “Don’t touch me, right now, Dinosaur sex addict Abraham Lincoln I need to rest for tomorrow when I save the world from evil, Communist unicorns

Gay, pregnant teddy bears Hypocritical Twitter transphobes And the teacher from That’s My Boy starring Adam Sandler and Andy Samberg!”

Bigfoot looks at the doctor on the floor Looks at how spaced out the doctor is Bigfoot slowly opens the door And goes away, wishing the doctor a good day through light grunts with a smile