It started with a promise that you’d always be there for me;

it ended with ‘have you heard from him’ - I never thought you’d leave;

It didn’t happen quickly;

a ripped band aid all at once,

It took some time to disappear

The excuse was ‘just because.’

I’d think of you for hours

All the things I had done wrong

All the should’ves, would’ves, could’ves

All the love I had forgone

Is it just that I deserved this?

My own father turned away

I don’t know how to change him

How to make him want to stay;

Instead I blamed myself for years

And that was the worst part

Your betrayal hurt me deeply

Leaving holes inside my heart

I know I can’t recover

all the love that I have lost

And that part is the worst part

It’s just too high a cost.

The hollowness inside me

Shoveled out by you day by day

Has never really filled back up

At least not all the way

And so I moved on through my life

As though a floating corpse

I’d meet others but I’d hide away

Expecting the same due course

I don’t think that I knew about

How deeply I was scarred

Until I tried to replace you

With others who did me harm

But what seemed to me the saddest wasn’t what you did to me

But all the things you put you through

That you just couldn’t see.