As i stood there in a trance the world flying past me the images from my child’s birthday party glimpses of my mother cutting the cake images of their father trying to get the baby off the table the family mid laughter and conversations , the people some how caught between slow motion and zooming past me and only in the stillness is myself staring at an unknown man who seems to not be here in our physical world staring blankly at me no emotions slightly hidden behind a couple of party balloons floating around him as he wears a party hat in full clown gear with a party noise maker one of the ones that when you blow into it has the paper that rolls out hanging out of his mouth. We are locked in a staring contest of sorts his presence seems familiar as mine does to his. His face starts shifting into a sinister smile . Wanna see a trick . I stood their in stillness knowing not to show fear somehow my body and my mind knew how to react. Then i hear the words we need to talk.

Im locked in by not only my fear but my curiosity. Somehow i manage to get the words to him. Now is not the best time. Im a little busy at the moment. He assures me this wont take long , And my body would continue to move through the motions of the party as if its running on autopilot and i will still have the memories of the day. But for now I’m needed somewhere else.

A little back story on myself I’m a medium. It’s not my full time job but it is a very big part of me. So getting into a trance like state and a unique character showing up to take me on a journey is not completely out of the ordinary. To be honest as scary as they are these are the more enjoyable ones.

Now back to the clown guy. Some how without moving from our spot i start seeing images of blood splattered along the walls a man going around sliceing everyone’s necks. A man stuffing his face with blood covered cake. Another visual of him strangling the father with the rope hanging from the tool used to do the grilling. The grandparents lifeless hanging halfway in the pool . He paused and appeared next to me as i still stood in just a locked in spot unable to move nor did i want to, and said “what a beautiful couple. You think they were in love?” This is a nightmare but he’s telling me , no he was showing me one of his proudest moments. He grabbed 2 bloody hot dogs and said “time to take a break , have a seat” as he slid a body off the bench. “ I was once a high ticket birthday clown ..” then i hear another voice say “others would say differently.” “Ignore him that’s my other personality.

“You see i loved being a clown i dreamed of it from when i was a wee little tot. I would go down to the local park or circus and watch the others that came before me . And I can’t speak for every clown but i generally had a strong hatred towards people. As I grew up I bought my first uniform and a couple of bowling pins i even taught myself how to make those cute little ballon animals . Like the one on you head. All of a sudden i was wearing this blue dog shaped balloon on my head surprisingly no blood. As i got more established with my talents and my name and business got more known i would meet these families mostly those that came from wealth . And they would book me for their parties . Each Family similar , they all started the same. I would pull up to these nice fancy smancy houses with the white fences and matching cars only to be traditionally greeted with this unnerving deffinitly forced smile , i mean they were practaly begging for some excitement. Normally i would be greeted by the mother Usually put together looking like a fake ass Barbie doll occasionally the weird looking fit dad who you knew was just keeping secrets in his “office” but knowing damn well i would be entering the house to find a happy together or eat pray love sign. Outlined in a wood frame and a while back ground with fancy black letter. Something about it was comforting remember consistency is key.” He turned to me almost as coming out of a reminiscent daze. “ what is it with them having white everything . Either way it looked better for my arts as it gave a great back ground to my the actual love of my job. Some would call it murder i call it expression of my feelings or bettering the lives around us.”

Each party would start the same i would be directed passed the tables set up with gifts and party favors. Then passed the dad grilling wearing a stupid apron. That would ultimately end up being mine saying something like worlds best cook or something sometimes they were really funny I actually hang them up along my house so if i need a moment to laugh i read one. The i would either be directed to a handbuilt stage. Some were really nice . I would get paid $200 sometimes to just do a 2 hour party. But I wasn’t here for the money . I loved being a clown but something about these people made me feel like i had more a duty or responsibility to the others like me . I mean these people probably didn’t even tip when they went out to each but would drive lavish cars just to make the others around them feel less than. So i would enter the stage and start my act. Usually i would start with balloon animals that was always a hit. Plus i could stash my knife in the air pump. So when the kid would come to grab it i would just off his hand . Then panic would ensue . The dad or the men of the family would rush me as the mothers would get the children everyone would start yelling then i would spray them with my acid filled flower on my shirt . I think i was supposed to put water in that. Oops. Either way as the men were crying from the acid in their eyes i would pull out my scalpel and slice their thoarts. Im not that bad of a monster i ended their lives pretty quickly . Some of my friends wouldn’t be so nice oh look here they are now the clean up crew . They would all pile out of their tiny car . I mean if anyhthing we looked the traditional part of the clown a bunch of them rolling out . Well the party goers couldn’t appreciate the moment as they were a little occupied . Boring anyways they would roll out of that tiny ass car . I don’t even know how they fit. And help me finish the Job . Some would use their bolling pins to bash someone’s head in . You wouldn’t believe the strength of a clowns bolling pin.

Once everyone was gone we would take any left over food . The blood wasn’t that bad of a taste and lets be honest we didn’t take that great care of ourselves so a little extra iron helped. We would all pile back up in our car with any trophies we collected and head onto our houses to rest for the night and wait until we saw our work crawl across the television screen. It was like a reward. We wiped the cameras so we never got caught until one day . We were out smarted aparantly the cops had been onto us and had a full investigation going on. We showed up to an event most of the crew was there from the beginning as this was a festival . We’re in our spots trying to keep our cool until it was the right time to strike but this dumbass that our friend brought along got a little to excited and stabbed a man in front of a ton of people. And as it does mass panic started chaos everywhere people screaming and running So we all grabbed our stuff and went to town. Then I felt it my own blood dribble out of my i had been shot. Then I don’t remember much after that but i showed up and you were standing there staring at me and i. Knew i needed to confess to move onto the next part of my journey. Sorry if i scared you and by the way you don’t talk very much . But thanks for listening.

Have a good one.”

I was all of a sudden back where i started at my child’s birthday party with the memories of the other side and the memories of here . I hear my child yell out can i open my presents now. ASI look around in a confused state uhm yea sure baby . Everyone birthday girl is opening her presents . First gift was a raggedy Ann doll . I just think to myself what the fuck .