I jump up, to hollering and yelping, I break in sweat, still, not moving, as if I were a dead corpse. The door creaks and lightly shakes, I didn’t care what I was dressed in or how I looked, not as if I were too brave to get up. Looking around in panic, now was not the time to die. Every corner in the room felt strange, as if he were still here.

“AGHHH!”

I yell in complete terror.

I slowly open my eyes to him staring from the corner of the room, his beer bottle on the floor, his tank all dirty full of grease, his hair messy, the belt in his hand, nothing but fury in his eyes.

“W-what do you want from me, I did n-nothing wrong, uhh-look the beer is right there! You want me to grab you another one?” I say, my voice trembling.

He continues staring at me. I wasn’t afraid, I was dreadful, agitated, beyond fear. My breath grew faster, it was then harder to breathe, as he got up, his hands around my neck, tight and fierce, I looked up at him with tears and terror in my eyes, my eyebrows scrunched so hard, my face muscles tense, oh so ever tense. I heard the screaming, the screaming of pain and panic, it was my mothers scream, so terrified and worried, so anxious and restless, wanted to protect me and give me the world and more.

I glance back at his eyes, eyes of blue, eyes of rage, eyes of temper, eyes of wrath. I wanted to give up, to stop trying, to leave, to end everything, to go, to let myself free. Free of the pain, the anxiety, the intense emotions, all of it, don’t want a single bit with me.

“Let me go…. let me go…… let me go.” I say in a raspy voice, I had been to tired to speak.

“P-please, for the love of God, let me be Dad, I know I have disappointed you, and I hope your aggression towards me satisfied you, but let me go, it’s time for you to go, you’ve caused me enough terror.”

And for once, his eyes then turned to eyes full of guilt and sincerity, the eyes of manipulation, the eyes everyone saw outside of home, never with me, never with my mom. He vanished, the yelling faded, the door was still again, the corners were now windows full of light, I then felt lightheaded, drowsy, dreamy.

“Bree? Dear? This is what you have to do in therapy, talk to me, let your emotions out, what happened, what did your dad do to you, what trauma has he caused you?”