Watching from the hole where a window should go. He wondered what it would feel like to have a friend. He had never been carefree. His father drank too much and too often took out the anger drinking brought on his mother or him or both. If he thought hard, he could remember his mother’s smile but it had disappeared a long time ago. Now, she was an obedient shell who jumped at her own shadow. He tiptoed around most of the time trying hard not to be seen.

He’d watched the kids before and he wondered how laughter felt, he had none in his life. Was this the way it would always be? Pain ripped through his chest like a knife, well sharpened so as to easily rip through its target. Hot tears burned behind his eyes but he refused to let them fall.

A yell from below sounded and he looked down, wondering if this time he had been spotted. Wishful thinking of course. It was merely a father come to retrieve his child. He watched as the kid ran to the man and together they began to walk away. The father placed his arm around the boys shoulders just before they turned the corner out off view.

Knowing he would never have that but wanting it fiercely he threw back his head and prayed, “Dear God, why is this my life?”