“Less Than Human”

Again, your shadow finds me—

A whisper on my skin,

Heartbeat pulsing with anticipation ,

You enter, and I vanish within.

You come wrapped in comfort,

Laced with lies I’ve heard before:

“Just once,” you say,

As if that won’t open every door.

You trick my brain with borrowed focus,

My heart with counterfeit peace.

The static quiets,

The ache and holes beneath

starts to fill and pain ceases

For a moment, I’m electric—

Fast-talking, sharp-edged,

The to-do list crumbles in my grip,

And I laugh at the world from the ledge I’ve fallen from before.

Twenty-four hours blur into none.

I chase clarity with another dose.

Tears, laughter, blurred beginnings—

Which version of me is closest?

My eyes wide,

Alien under fragile skin.

I stare, wondering

How long since I felt human-

Past ghosts feed my excuses,

I move without thought or care.

Impulses direct my way

Your silence says, “None of this is fair.”

Am I alive? Or just rehearsing death?

A puppet to need,

A stranger in my own flesh.

Every line I swore I wouldn’t cross—

Just went in my nose,again.