I wish I new what was going on with me,

I lash out with hate and animosity,

It seeps deep down like I’m held in captivity,

I speak with words that lack any sympathy,

It runs through my being cursed with cytotoxicity,

I feel like my dad a monster of cruelty,

I hurt the ones that love me like they’re the enemy,

It invades my mind endlessly,

A bipolar worthless piece of trash,

I lash out at my loved ones while their feelings get smashed,

I try my best to fix it but I inevitably hit a wall and crash,

I want to take my head and repeatedly bash,

My face into the wall till my brains splatter,

I can’t fix it when I don’t know what’s the matter,

My dignity lays on the floor and looks up in laughter,

Like I’m a dreamer in chains, fading ever faster,

A hypocrite in life disguised in disaster,

Bloody fingerprints stains the pages of every chapter,

Of this story that is sick from this self eating cancer,

I seek for the truth but I can’t find any answers,

In this life full of infinite miracles,

That hide behind lies that continue to shatter,

The hopes and dreams,

Of my loved ones memories filled with screams,

That rip them to pieces seam by seam,

I can’t remember what I said it slips away with time,

Second by second like daggers in my spines,

I can’t see the sun for the blackness that shines,

Slowly slipping away in the rhymes that define,

My hollow soul that’s anything but divine,

Where holiness evaporates leaving evil entwined,

Written in a curse where each sole entity combines,

Leaving me a confused mess wondering who am I,

I try and wonder why,

As I look into the sky waiting to die,

I know death is a friend but sometimes it feels like a curse,

Making repetitive thoughts and mass delusions feel like abhorrence,

I feel like I’m destined to remain a soul without any cure,

There destiny I’m on only makes me feel worse,

I’m filled hope that’s turned into fear,

That grips my spirit,

As my heart drips with crimson tears

As a child all I knew was hate and the way to disappear,

We was born to live and spread cheer,

Yet I keep constantly looking for something that leaves me standing still,

On top a mountain sliding downhill,

Out of my mind the doctors say take these pills,

They’ll make you happy but they only break my will,

That leaves me shaking to the bones with chill,

Yet here I standing aloof staring in the mirror,

Looking at myself reduced to a mere whisper,

Of what I was when my life was quite in the eye of a twister,

I wish to understand who I am,

Am I a monster or a hidden excuse of a man,

I try my best to do all that I can,

I know I’m more but I feel less than,

Drifting dust in an empty can,

I’ll push on even when I can’t stand,

What am I? A sinner or a saint?

A picture in an empty house without frame,

What am I but fire snuffed out by a fan.

Who am I? A monster or a man!!

—TerrySalmon-