The vodka had started

To untie my senses from reality

I was losing grip on my words

And my actions lost all stability

The others weren’t as far gone,

A lightweight they called me

I wasn’t even drinking any more than them,

But there I was, quite tipsy

They made jokes

And prodded my head with questions

Wondering how I was so affected

Telling me to lie down, which I took as suggestions

Then the words came spilling out

“I have something to tell you”

I hadn’t eaten anything that day

But she wasn’t supposed to have a clue

My spilled secrets finally registered

And all I could see were flashes of my life

I’d been carrying the weight of the world silently

Until now, when everyone sees the twist of the knife

They try to shove food down my throat

And they realize more and more how debilitating

How much this consumes me

The very thin ice I’ve been skating

I remember the worried looks on their faces

Their hushed whispers behind the door

And especially the fear

That they’d force me to fight the war