Sometimes life is going great then in an instant starts to shift.

All the love gets replaced with hate and I hate to admit.

That everything just accumulates,

Yet before I submit and let this escalate.

I’m gonna keep fighting and beat it!!

Yeah right!!

It’s way past too late for that but at least I tried it.

I didn’t lay down like I’m weak and keep taking it. But in the end I guess I was….

Always faking it.

Sitting in silence too afraid to speak.

What if I sound dumb and everyone thinks I’m a freak?

That’s just be more things in my mind that like to creep.

I thought it meant I was unique but uh,

That’s what I get for thinking I can think..

Just leads to rethinking that stalks my ability to sleep.

Talking to myself, sharing secrets that I probably shouldn’t keep.

Yet I can’t tell anyone about them especially a shrink!

They’ll lock me up in a room, strap me to a bed! That’s the last thing I need, a reason to stay in my head.

That’s a little contradictory since I’ll be there anyway.

At least till I’m dead.

Idk how I’m not already with as much blood my heart has bled.

From all this internal affliction that continues to spread,

To only coagulate to a single point that fills me with dread.

Mocking me with an unholy Trinity.

Me Myself and Anxiety…

Finally I have something that will never leave. That’ll always have my back but still leave me lonely.

Filling me with feelings that take control.

The ones that keep coming never wanting to let go.

That leave me feeling anything but hope,

Left alone figuring out how to cope,

But don’t know how sooo,

I sit in silence and dig a hole,

To hide myself from my long forgotten soul,

I look in the mirror, I don’t see anyone there,

Just a ghost of a ghost that continues to stare,

At the fading resemblance of hope that slowly disappears,

I keep looking, searching for a cure,

The more I look, the more I turn into fear,

How can I find something that never was,

While the deadening looks back with a silent applause,

As the tears in my life turn to dust,

I close my eyes to blind the disgust,

Yet it lives in my mind, it won’t let me trust,

Me, myself and I, or anything else,

Filling me with dejection till I’m about to bust,

Setting me on a path to self destruct,

I try to break away before I go nuts but,

I keep everything including myself permanently shut,

Out to not let anything in not even love,

Since the beginning of me I’ve always been the end of,

This unworthy person that I feel I’ve become,

For everything around me seems to get hurt or broken,

From the times I can’t remember the hatred I’ve awoken,

To the words that stay hidden, an ominous omen,

That curse me within yet remain unspoken,

Bleeding my heart till it’s cold, dark and frozen,

The beating stills as each one gets stolen,

Seconds feel like years while I’m stuck in this place,

No one knows how much I’m drowning in pain and,

No one ever will cause if they ask,

I always say I’m ok,

If I told the truth it’d only scare them away,

For they’d see the darkness that casts out my days,

As the things in my head like to stay in and play,

Keeping me locked in a room faraway,

Maybe one day I will break free and really be ok,

But the one thing I do know is that it damn sure isn’t today.

—TerrSalmon—