I let his hand go, defeated I sit quietly. Watching him leave the room, not even glancing back to look at me. What was I thinking?

Inviting him over for dinner, and cooking a nice home cooked meal. The mood was set with the candles, the lighting, i even had some romantic smooth jazz playing in the background. I’ve been planning this dinner for months.. how could I have been so blind?

Everyday, he would invite me over or I would invite him over. We watched all kinds of movies, and had plenty of snacks. Sometimes it was just buttered popcorn, sour gummies, and a large slush. Other times, we would just sit in awkward silence for the entirety of the movie.

I always had a good time when he was around. He made me feel whole, and special. I felt like I could always be myself around him, and I never had to hide anything.

Now? It’s almost as if all the time we spent together meant nothing. I keep replaying the events of the night in my head. He came over at around 8pm. I showed him to the dining room where I had everything set up. It was basically perfect. I cooked a wonderful mushroom stew, and even added a side of fresh bread.

The conversation of the night was the usual. We talked about work, what was going on in our lives, and other mundane things. There was nothing out of the ordinary. After we sat in silence for a few minutes, I grabbed his hand and held it. It felt like the right time, so I just said it.

“I’ve been trying to figure out a way to say this for quite some time, but I figured the best way would be to just.. throw it out there. So, I like you Jay.. a lot”

He looked at me in complete shock. He had no idea what to say..

“Well? Anything?” I asked. We had been sitting in silence for 10 minutes straight. There were so many thoughts running through my head, I had no idea where to even start. The silence was finally broken when he spoke.

“I’m going to go home for the night. Thank you for dinner.” He stated.

That was it? After all the late night planning, time, and money that was spent. That was all I could get? I had no idea what to say or think anymore.

As he took his hand from mine and left the table. I stared down at my plate in shock.. Am I not good enough for him? What did I do to deserve this.

I’ve been there for him through everything, and I get nothing in return

After hearing the front door closed, I knew I was alone. I cried the hardest I had in a while. The one friend that I could trust, love, and care for through thick and thin; was gone within seconds.

I’ve never felt more alone than I did right then.