First, I got up and made myself a strong cup of coffee. I am going to need it to get through this shit show of a day. In my head, any day of the work week turns into a shit show, as soon as I open my eyes. Today is Monday, sooo that’s like bullshit x2. I don’t know who came up with a 2 day weekend idea, but they can fuck right off!

My hair looks like a crows nest and don’t even get me started on my face. If the Michelin Man ever decides to retire, I think I would be the number one candidate to take his place. I might as well change my name to Edema Puffy. I am 39 years old and one would think that’s plenty of time to get my life together. But, here we are.

I think, today I am especially on the edge because of fucking Belinda, my super-psycho ex girlfriend.

“I will not pursue you. But, I will find you, and I will ruin you.”

Her last words, the day we broke up. I was like, damn girl, Liam Neeson called…he would like his royalties. That statement alone, made me feel like I definitely did the right thing by breaking it off.

We met at a drag show in Cambridge, 5 years ago. I was single, ready to mingle and she was…well, available. We hit it off pretty quickly, it felt right, it felt good…until it didn’t.

“Right! What’s all this then?! Quickly now, what a palaver!”, her red hair all frizzled, eyes wide open, hands in the air like she was a skydancer or some shit. Meanwhile, I was just putting the groceries on the table.

“Can you chill?! I’ll put it in the fridge right away”. This wasn’t the first time she acted out. It was becoming a daily routine. We would fight about the stupidest things. However, fights leave room for making up and hence the denial and delusions get prolonged. It took me a good chunk of time, 3 years to be exact, to realise this is toxic. So, when the day finally came, she was raving mad.

I got on with my life and thought perhaps, she’s moved out of town. You know, out of sight, out of mind. Oh boy, was I wrong!

Couple weeks ago my boss, Malcolm, got promoted. And frankly, I couldn’t care less. Good for him, new city, more money…whatever. Of course, him leaving meant someone else would need to take his spot, get hired.

And guess who made one of the 2 final candidates during the interview rounds? Mother-fucking BELINDA!

Sooo, yes…I am little on the edge this morning. The coffee ran right through me and my head feels like it’s about to explode. Anxiety levels? Peaking!

Any other day I would be my typical self, you know, grumpy, but more willing to get on the bus to work, not throw myself under it.

Today is the day, we find out who takes Malcolm’s spot.

The office seemed surprisingly quiet, I was the first person to arrive, which by the way, had never happened. It made me feel little uneasy.

Still, I got on with it, popped into the break room, put my lunch in the fridge and headed to my desk.

“Oh my fucking god!”, my stomach sunk to the floor and it felt like a brick hit my head. A sticky-note on the wall…

“I FOUND YOU!”

Belinda