Dear Diary

Today has been hard, I laid in bed and I didn’t do anything. It was hard to even go to the bathroom. I held it in until I couldn’t any longer. I barely ate because I couldn’t bring myself to go get anything. It was hard to even grab my notebook. I feel so done with everything, it’s too hard. I don’t want to do anything anymore. I just want to lay in bed and maybe I’ll watch Tik tok to pass the time. Watch everyone have interesting lives, and maybe a few of them will be of people just like me. It doesn’t matter because not even that could help me get out of this bed and do something with my life. I have no motivation, and there is no purpose to life. We all just live to die.

Sincerely

The lonely girl in her bedroom feeling sorry for herself

Dead Diary

Today I went to the bathroom when my body first told me to go. I sat on the toilet for far too long, I wasn’t even on my phone I just sat there and stared. I decided to take a shower since I was already in there. Hoping the warm water streaming down my body would spark something in me, but all I did was stand there and stare at the wall. I thought about nothing, like a zombie. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, and why no one can see my cry for help. Maybe writing in this thing will finally show someone how I truly feel inside. If anyone ever bothers to come to my house. I haven’t even been outside of it for a week. I don’t have any family or any job. The only thing I have to worry about is the water bill and the electricity bill. I haven’t even turned on the lights, i just use the internet. I’ll find the money somehow, maybe I’ll con someone on the internet for a few bucks like the scum bag I am.

Anyways

The evil broke girl

Dear Diary

I couldn’t find anyone to loan me some money. So I started to apply for jobs that are close by, but I don’t think I’ll get any replies. My resume sucks who would want anything to do with me. I don’t even think I have a plain shirt. Let alone a clean pair of pants.

Signed

The lost girl

Dear Diary

It’s been a few weeks, one place replied to me. The McDonald’s. They didn’t really care that I wore a Star Wars shirt to my interview, they gave me a uniform and said I started the next day. I just finished my second week. And finally got my pay check. I’m late on my bills but I got to pay them today. It feels pretty good, tonight I turned on my kitchen light. I’ve been eating McDonald’s it taste bad but it gets something in my system. I’ve pretty much been surviving off of McDonald’s sprite this whole time though.

Sincerely

Maybe not so lost girl

Dear Diary

Not much has happened, except I’ve been making friends with this coworker Lisa. She’s pretty nice, she invited me out to this party on Friday. I work until 5 but she insists I be there, and wear something nice. I really don’t want to but Lisa was so convincing. So I guess I have to do some laundry tonight. I don’t want everyone to know how dirty I really am.

Talk to you later

Somebodies friend

Dear Diary

It’s Friday night, the party was horrible. Everyone was smiling and laughing and playing games and I just sat in the corner and drank water. Everyone was so beautiful I want to be like that. But I can’t be beautiful, I can’t get my hair done and get my nails done or buy pretty dresses and makeup. Not working at McDonald’s, if I want to be like them I’ll have to start applying for better paying jobs. But then I won’t see Lisa anymore. Would I rather be ugly with one friend, or pretty with no friends?

Sincerely

The Indecisive girl

Dear Diary

I applied to some places to see if anyone would take me. A lot of places have wanted me. Today I got a job offer for a bank and they pay a few extra dollars an hour. Tonight Lisa is coming after her shift and she’s bringing tortilla shells, veggies, and red wine for tacos. I had to go get Beef and sour cream. She wants to cook for me, and have a few drinks. She said she needs a girls night. I had to clean the dishes so she didn’t think I was gross. I stashed all my dirty laundry away in my bedroom, but other than that I don’t touch my living room or kitchen very often. I did tidy up the bathroom and spray fabrees so she’d think my home was nice. It honestly looks like it’s barely lived in when you walk in. I don’t have much stuff out, maybe a few art pieces. She just texted saying she’s almost here. I’m nervous, should I tell her about the job?

Farewell

A lost girl once again

Dear Diary

I’ve been thinking about this all morning. Lisa came over last night and I told her about the job offer, she was so happy she said I should take it. I mentioned I didn’t want to leave the crew, that they were like family to me. She smiled at me and hugged me and said that no person wants to be stuck at McDonald’s forever. When she pulled back are lips were so close. I stared at them for a while, what was this feeling? I couldn’t kiss her she’s my friend, and she probably wouldn’t want to kiss me. I don’t know what I’m feeling.

Until we met again

A very lost girl.