I felt particularly allured by the lake today. It’s weird, knowing exactly why but not be able to identify the feeling. I remember it so vividly. Every little emotion as I struggled to drag him out of the car. I looked everywhere, my hearth racing so much I thought I was actually gonna faint. The almost pitch dark ambience, the crickets being the only thing that interrupted the silence of the night.

For the next few nights I berely slept, every little sound made me think that I was about to be locked away for good. One night I just didn’t care that much, if I had to go so be it. Then the days passed. Nobody came. Not a single soul.

I wouldn’t know how to describe it. I’m glad of course, more than glad. I get to walk like nothing ever happened, for whatever borrowed time I have left that is. The worry is still there, I’m just don’t think about it that much. Only when I’m near the lake.

I never felt that rush again. Nothing ever made me feel the way I did that night. I’ve tried lots of things just to get something somewhat similar to that feeling. It was not pleasant of course, not nearly. I don’t think so at least. But for some reason I just can’t help but long for that thrill again and again, and if I had to guess that’s why I keep coming back whenever I get the chance.