WRITING OBSTACLE

Submitted by Katelyn Jane

Write a chapter of a self-help book written by the absolute worst person to receive this kind of advice from.

What kind of awful advice might be found here?

A Warlocks Tale

I feel I’ve gotten a pretty good handle on the idea of ‘happiness’ but I’ll let you be the judge of that. As so often my life is judged.


To start with anything you first must not have it. You do this by having awful parents, bonus if they were never there at all. Make sure your childhood sucks, memories to look back on and say “yep, definitely better than that.”


Second, without a parental figure to guide you begin a life of crime, even if minor. Grow up an outcast or society and find temporary joy behind a bar counter. One day as you’re sitting alone contemplating your life choices you’ll stumble upon a guy next to you. He’ll ask if you want to try something exciting. Constantly chasing the rush of the next big thing you eagerly agree (not too eagerly, don’t be weird…)


Now just head home with a sketchy mix of liquids, its not the best smelling thing but you deal with it because it'll do the trick.

Proceed to lock yourself in your room and down the entire thing. Before you know it the room is gone or you're gone from the room. You won't ever know which one it is but it doesn't matter. before long you'll be hearing a deep rough voice that'll haunt your every waking moment.


Find out that said voice and being is actually a demonic entity demanding access to the human realm (your world apparently.) shock yourself at how you’ve ketch your head after the insults and demands you make in return. Proceed to argue (the first of many) until you agree on terms. Something you completely missed was the point of it all.

Once you speak the words “deal” you'll wake up still on your bedroom floor. Groaning at your aching head until you hear that same awful voice.


Your final step is to get used to your newfound power and company. Making your way through life a little better. Now you can always stop here but the real kicker is once you’ve acquired one annoying voice telling you what to do and how to do it you surround yourself with people who do the exact same thing.

Traveling together like a group of lost souls and losing brain cells along the way.


The point is; once all of this is accomplished you realize how you are so much smarter than the party you’re traveling with. And that brings the greatest joy.

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