I’m nothing more than a philosopher. Well, I was nothing more than a philosopher when I was alive. Back in Ancient Greece, I was taught by Pluto. I planned on being remembered, which came to an end when I died due to falling off a cliff while thinking about this one girl I met once. Come to think of it, I wouldn’t have been a good philosopher.

Anyways, I came down to the afterlife. Things aren’t the worst here. I made a friend, which I didn’t have while I was alive. His name is Daniel, and he is a nutcase. Was obsessed with life and death back on earth before he sent himself on fire in an attempt to gain immortality.

Daniel was examining the passage between life and death. Apparently, he believed that there were humans out there, trying to break in. He would tell me about it every month or so. Barely listened to the details. Why would any human try to enter the afterlife before their passing?

One day, Daniel dragged me to a lake that was making him more paranoid. It was a nice lake, like the one that you would see in a forest on Earth.

“But do you see it?” Daniel exclaimed. “There are humans there.”

“I don’t see anything,” I told him.

“Look closer.”

I lowered my form a little to see what was in the lake. It was a beautiful reflection of a city, but I didn’t see anyone occupy it.

“You’re being crazy again,” I bluntly told Daniel, getting ready to leave as I did.

“Come on, I saw them!” He exclaimed.

I went away from Daniel shortly afterwards. I got used to the same talk every day for a thousand years. There’s a portal here, there’s a portal there. Humans will invade. Quite frankly, I got sick of it.

That was until Daniel brought along some friends. The first one was Tiffany, a peasant who was executed during the Salem Witch Trials. The second was Jenny, a nerdy girl who got hit by a truck on her way to school. He introduced them to me in a rather informal manner.

“Guess what,” Daniel shouted to me one day.

“Did you find ghosts actually willing to listen to your shit?” I asked.

“He has good money,” Tiffany mentioned.

“We are all dead,” I had to say. “You aren’t getting any money here.”

“But we are getting a signal,” Daniel chimed in.

“Ha,” I laughed. “Show me. Maybe your friends here will have better luck.”

“Oh trust me,” Jenny chimed in. “I know exactly what we’re dealing with.”

“You see,” she continued. “Daniel found a goth girl.”

“Oh cool,” I joked. “She better be dead now.”

“Unfortunately not,” Daniel mentioned.

“She is abusing witchcraft in order to contact the undead,” Jenny said. “Take a look.”

I leaned in closer to see into the portal, to see if Daniel wasn’t crazy for once. I muttered shit under my breath when I realized that, for once, I saw what Daniel saw. There was a goth girl in the middle of a pentagram, who was really trying to summon spirits.

“Wait,” I asked, trying to understand what was happening. “That has to be fake. Surely that girl is just a ghost too.”

“No,” Daniel stated. “And you’ll see the problem now.”

I looked on as the goth girl called out for a spirit to contact her, chanting Latin and burning candles. As she did so, the ghost realm quaked with her.

“Whether the girl realizes it or not, she’s tearing the afterlife apart,” Daniel cried out.

“Great time for me to be convinced,” I snarked.

“So what do we do now,” I asked.

“Don’t worry, Jenny’s got us covered,” Tiffany said.

“Ever heard of a film called Ghostbusters?” Jenny gleefully bursted out, putting her hands behind her back. “We need to be just like them. Except instead of humans trapping ghosts, we trap humans.

“I got the supplies right here, all based on the movie.”

I looked at what Jenny provided. Weird suits that I only saw on the Chernobyl scientists and vacuum cleaners.

“How is this going to do?” I ask. “Scare her with loud noises?”

“You know nothing, don’t you?” Jenny said. “Anyways, this was the ghost containment used in Ghostbusters. Works similar to a gun where you have to aim at your target and press this. Used against a human, they will be trapped forever.”

“Don’t worry, I got one for you,” Daniel told me.

He threw one of those heavy vacuums at me, which phased through me at first.

“It shouldn’t be hard for you to get on,” Daniel told me.

He joined in with his friends to arm themselves. I’ll admit, I wasn’t a fan. Those things were heavy.

“Now there’s a few rules,” Jenny said. “The most important is that the rays shot from these guns must never touch each other. That would cause destruction that you only need in emergencies.”

“Now we need a way to come into the human realm safely,” Daniel commented, coming closer to me. “Someone who has knowledge on being swift.”

“Oh Dan,” I muttered. “You only say that because I’m the only one who listened to you for a long time.”

“But you have done more. You pointed out the problems I had in seeing into the living world. How inefficient my first methods were.

“And you were right.”

I was frozen solid in that moment. It was the moment I questioned what I had done in my afterlife to end up with Daniel.

“I can’t do this,” I protested.

“It’s just one task,” Tiffany called out.

“Look, I didn’t believe in any of this beforehand,” I continued. “I just happened to be close to Daniel when he started his claims about humans coming over.”

“And, you believe me now,” Daniel said. “And you are a smart guy, smarter than me.”

Everyone else looked at me with puppy eyes.

They were serious. With a heavy sigh, I agreed.

“Let’s do this,” I answered. “But first, we need a plan. I was never a believer in crossing into the afterlife, neither when I was alive or when I was dead.

“I did know one thing. Idols aren’t just nice pieces of art. They are gateways for usually dangerous spirits the more you are drawn to them. The girl here is using them. All it takes is a weakening barrier for us to enter.

“Now, I need someone who can look over. Get the signal to go when the barriers are weak. And I know the guy.”

Daniel laughed at my response.

“Next, we need to learn how to divide and conquer.

“One person to the left, and one to the right.”

“I call dibs on the left,” Tiffany cried out. “It’s always been my more preferred side.”

“Guess that singles me out,” Jenny commented. “But what’s your role?”

“Thought it was already stated,” I laughed. “But really, I’ll be helping you and Tiffany with keeping the girl down. Is everyone ready now?”

Looking at everyone, I could tell Jenny had her doubts, and Tiffany could care less. But there was still Daniel.

He smiled at me, clearly relieved that I embraced my role.

“Heads up,” Jenny cried out. “The girl is starting the ritual.”

As the goth girl let out her spell, a horrible sound that was like a dying hyena emitted. Everyone in the spirit realm was in great pain, as if we were being ripped apart.

“Alright everyone,” Daniel cried, signaling us to come closer. “Just jump in.”

Jenny was the first to leap in, much to my dismay.

“Wait,” I cried out.

“Are you going to move or what,” Tiffany shouted behind me.

She was pushing against me, wanting me to go already. With one sigh, I leaped forward. After all, with friends like these, who needs enemies? Coming back to the land of the living wasn’t like how I imagined. I became more hollow and sicker than I ever was, before and after my death.

Once me, Tiffany, and Jenny were in the living realm, we stood behind the goth girl. She was still performing her ritual, not noticing us.

“Looking good already,” I said. “Now do exactly as we planned. Tiffany on the left, Jenny on the right.”

At first, everyone was in their positions. Me, Tiffany, and Jenny positioned to shoot the girl. That was until the goth girl spoke.

“Did you think I didn’t know you would come,” she said, her voice being that of a demon instead of a girl. “Did you think I just wanted to contacted souls?”

That was when the goth girl rose up, her eyes nothing but bright red. The whole room shook, and me, Tiffany, and Jenny fell down.

“I NEEDED them,” the goth girl cried out, tightening her grip on us. “I need your power.”

Slowly, me, Tiffany, and Jenny were pulled towards the girl.

We tried to lift our weapons. But that was not enough. Already, I was being ripped apart. It was worse than any pain in my previous life. I’ll give credit to Tiffany and Jenny.

Both of them tried to lunge at the goth girl, even if they were simply frozen in place. But it wasn’t enough. We had lost. But just as the red light of complete destruction was upon us, Daniel was there. He shouted complete nonsense, sure.

“Death to you, witch,” was one of his catchphrases. But it was enough for me, Jenny, and Tiffany to be freed from the goth girl. Daniel managed to aim his gun straight at her, which was enough to subdue her. At least, for a moment. When the goth girl had taken him under her control too, me, Jenny, and Tiffany got ready to aim.

“Heads up,” I shouted, the light from our guns so overwhelming that it blinded the girl.

We managed to finally intrap her, with her completely imprisoned by the light. Unfortunately, it didn’t last. She managed to fight back with her powers, pushing us back. It became a tug of war.

It then became clear that we couldn’t capture the goth girl the conventional way. And unbelievable, it was Tiffany who gave the unorthodox suggestion.

“Maybe we should let our lines cross?” She asked. “That would at least destroy the girl.”

“Are you insane?” I cried out. “Jenny told us that would get us all killed!”

“No wait,” Jenny commented. “It’s just like the movie.”

In that moment, she looked Tiffany straight in the eye.

Jenny reassured that everything will be fine as they let their lines intersect. The room was already shaking more than before. I turned my back, not wanting any part of the disaster I was seeing. But then I saw Daniel, sickened by what the goth girl did to him. I hated that guy, but I also couldn’t be dead without him.

My eyes tightened as I let my line glide to Tiffany’s and Jenny’s. I accepted my fate as the room exploded. It was hard to process everything that happened afterwards. The light was instant, and there was nothing but ringing.

“Is everything okay?” Tiffany shouted out.

When I decided to look around, the room was destroyed and the goth girl was gone.

“We did great, didn’t we?” Jenny called out, holding a container that was glowing and shaking. “We even caught the girl.”

“Wait,” I called out. “Where’s Daniel?”

Everyone around me looked nervous. There was a little bit of mist, which we feared was Daniel. As I screamed his name, I was eased by a sudden voice.

“Told you,” Daniel called out, only looking a bit more pale.

He emerged from the wreckage, twirling his gun.

“Ready to get back home?” Daniel asked.

“You bet,” I laughed. “Thanks for everything though.”

“Thanks too. You’re the best ghost friend I could have had.”