“Happy Birthday to you…”

Can I just not go to the party this time? It’s going to be the same tasteless cake and off-key singing that it always is. Birthdays don’t mean much to me anymore. Mine least of all. I’ve had so many.

They are predictable. I can look around and know which kid is going to eat too much and throw it right back up.

Ding dong

Oh great the guests have arrived. This group will be the family of 4 that all dress alike.

I politely greet them. I have no choice.

Now it’s time for the gifts; the part I dread the most. Several are pointless knickknacks that I smile and accept. But then there’s the weird one.

I can never see who it’s from before my hands unwrap it on their own accord. Inside is a strange device with just one blue button.

I have no choice but to push it. This party is my hell, but if I don’t push the button it gets worse.

I take a deep breath, knowing what’s going to happen. And I push it anyway.

%#€!~{?€¥

The device goes back in the box.

The ripped paper gets reapplied seamlessly.

The same happens with the other presents.

I greet the family of 4 that all dress alike.

Ding dong

That one kid eats vomit, then spews out cake that forms into a perfect wedge on a plate.

“Happy birthday to you!”

That was 37,572nd time I have relived the exact same three hours. Now we go again. I was cursed with “happy birthday, may you have many more.”