Just as it came

I can no longer remember when it left.

I can no longer feel its weight.

Oh

How dark it was,

How terriblly I ached, that the promise of death had felt like peace.

I can only remember

How much I begged and prayed

For it go away.

How desperate I was

For this monster to go away.

I had knelt on my bedroom floor, sobbing quietly.

Sobbing quietly, because they wouldn’t understand

Clasping my little hands in desperation

As if this pitiful attempt could hold me together

so alone

so lost

And in need of a hug

As any child would be.

I cannot remember

I cannot remember

I cannot remember

When I had began to miss this monster

When I had began to feel fondness

For those dark and terrible days.

When indifference had settled in its place.

Who would I be without this monster ?

How could I feel without my monster ?

I had no answer

I could only remember

That in the monster

I perished, but sadly, failed to die.