As I put on my best tuxedo and tie I look at myself and sigh at my meager attempt to act unbothered. She would have hugged me and teased me with a grin, “You freshen up nicely, but you would look better if you dropped the serious act and put on a smile”. But she’s not here anymore. I loosen my tie as I feel my throat close up and my eyes begin to water. I can’t cry yet, I’m not even at the funeral. Not like I will cry there either, no one can know I cared about her. I clear my mind and head out the door, getting into my sleek black car and my driver takes me to the funeral. I look out the window and watch the houses as my mind begins to wander back to her. Her modest smile and dressings compared to my extravagant clothes and stern demeanor. The feel of her baby kicking in her stomach against my hand. How she would look around my house in awe every time she came over. The fear in her eyes as she took her last breath-. I clear my throat, not letting myself get too carried away. I arrive at the funeral and straighten my tux. As I walk in, all eyes fall on me. No one expects me, a wealthy businessman, to go to what they think is a random woman's funeral. But I don’t look at any of them as I keep a stoic expression on my face. I walk down the aisle of the church and to her parents sitting in the front row. I hand them a large stack of money, acting like this is all a charity case. I engage in a lot of philanthropy, so this is as to be expected. I pat her dads back and look at her mother as I say, “I am sorry for your loss”.  My voice and expression are just as flat as always. But as she looks into my eyes with tears in hers, I see my reflection. I see a cold man with no compassion, a shadow of who I used to be. I soften my expression a bit to show that I mean what I said. I tear my eyes away from hers and walk over to the casket and look down at her beautiful face. I don’t let any of my feelings show, but I can feel them beginning to bubble over. I swallow hard and push them down as I lightly kiss her forehead and exit the same way I entered. My head held high and not looking at anyone else. I couldn’t bear seeing their upset faces along with the guilt I already feel. I really am sorry I had to take her life, I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t have anyone knowing I was going to have a child with a poor woman. Maybe in another universe things could’ve been different, in one where she was rich of course.