Fear can mean many things

A thump in your leg during a test

A racing of your heart before your first kiss

Even the flinch before a jump scare in your favorite show

Right now it’s judgment

I make myself out to be someone who’s comfortable with everything

Specially guys

Even more specific sex

I try to come across confident with what I’ve done

To come across like it’s a hobby, a pass time

But in reality it’s the memory that still ties me to him

And making it sound like a casual thing helps em detach it from his name

Before I couldn’t picture myself even kissing anyone but him

Now I’m trying to prove I can

Because he made sure any thoughts about sex were tied to him

And I really really wish they weren’t

So I put on a fake laugh

And say that I’m a slut

So I can at least pretend not to care

Even then fear stays with me

Because even then I fear judgment