TW: Mentions of domestic abuse, physical(markings on body) and verbal abuse

I woke before the sun had a chance to peak over the horizon. Aches and pains seered through my arms, legs and back. I swear i could feel my faces still swollen from the night before, but as I looked in the mirror, there was no swelling but a large bruise forming on the left side of my face. Bracing myself for the next few steps to get ready for the day, the shower spray stung only a little and my makeup made it all go away. As if it were all a dream, and everything was fine.

“Babe.” His voice still sleepy searched for me like his fists. I quietly snuck out of the bathroom and down the stairs to the kitchen to start his breakfast. If it wasnt ready before he was out of the shower, then I would have even more bruises to cover up.

It wasn’t much later as he filled the door to the kitchen and i sat at the other end of the table with food and drink. He stared for a second, then as if a perdetermine notion, he moved the plates I had made for him to the seat right beside me. I remained quiet, unmoving as he began to eat.

“You’re getting better, Daisy.” This was the first time he’s said something positive let alone my name, though it was only minor, it meant more than anything. I internally shook my head to rid myself of those kinds of thoughts.

Just because he’s able to pretend to be nice, doesn’t mean he’ll choose to be from now on.

“Thank you.” My meek voice pierced the stale silence between us. Cautious to not anger him so early in the morning, I waited for him to finish and leave before eating my own. The food now Luke warm filled me faster than I anticipated. My appetite was mostly MIA for the last few weeks, and I’ve started to show just how much weight I’ve lost.

Now it was my turn to leave for the day to my part time job. He doesn’t know about it, and i knew that if he found out he would make me quit.

The back store room of a grocery store was the job that allowed me to not be seen in public. Yes i was scared, but at the same time i knew what to do. Every paycheck i got went into a secret bank account, i have enough to get my own apartment, but i want to have enough to live off for a few months, so i continue to work until I’ve reached my goal.

It was only a month later that did i have enough to leave him. And to no surpise to myself, he was furious with me, holding himself back from tackling me to the floor and beating me like he always did. But this time I had police and his family there, watching me calmly and quietly gather my belongings. Setting boxes in the entry way that his sister would pick up and move to the small U-Haul truck.

“You worthless bitch! You think you can survive without me!?” He shouts from the living room, the officers blocking his way from getting to me.

“Steven!” That was his mom, disappointment coated her words and lips. “I did not raise you to be acting this way! She has a done everything for you!”

“Oh has she?! She’s a terrible cook, can’t clean properly, and—“

“That’s enough!” The officer intervined on the bickering. “You’re lucky she didn’t report the abuse and just got a protection order instead.” Paper could be heard, Steven crumpled the order up and threw it at the officer’s feet.

“That’s what I think about the order! That’s my property!”

“That’s a human being!” The downstairs goes quiet. “She also has a name.” Just as I’m taping the final box, I move down the stairs relaxed and confident. Having all these people here made me feel safe, and ensures my decision.

“Thank Officer Donald. I can take it from here.” My tone gentle, as I step onto the ground floor. And that’s when I saw an animal from beyond the human wall. His face red with fury, anger that would leave an imprint on his skin hours after he’s settled down.

I handed the box to his sister, and then turned back to him, ready to confront the monster that i called my husband.

“For the last few years of being with you, I’ve noticed how much you’ve changed since getting demoted at the company. It broke your control over what you had there, which made you lash out here so you could feel that control again.” His eyes softened but then turned dark with rage. “I loved you until the day you hit me, breaking my ribs and force me to miscarry our child. I loved the man i married all those years ago, but now i dont see him. You are not the man i married.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about! You’ve never mentioned any of this to me! You were always quiet and obedient!” He coated his anguish in vexation. His lack of control eminent now. There was a mental breakdown at the precipice of his mind.

“I was quiet, but I was not blind.” With that said, i turned away and left the man and house that i use to call home. But now he was simply a stranger and a house i never knew.

This was the begininng of my journey to heal and relearn who i am. To fall back in love with myself.