In the dark of night, I scream to the sky,

“Goddamn it, why’d you let my boys die?”

An hour and twenty-eight minutes, then gone,

Forty-eight more, and I’m left here to mourn.

I held them so briefly, just a flash in the light,

Now I’m drowning in shadows, lost in the fight.

Thoughts like daggers, they pierce through my soul,

Did I fuck up their lives? Did I lose all control?

Every heartbeat echoes with the weight of my shame,

“Was I too scared to love? Am I the one to blame?”

Thoughts create reality, or so they say,

Did my fear and my doubts pave their way to decay?

I remember my father, the bastard who broke,

With fists full of fury, he shattered my hope.

I swore I’d be better, but here I still stand,

A haunted reflection of a broken man.

My mother, a ghost, she vanished in pain,

Left me with memories, a heart full of rain.

My brother and sister, they turned on a dime,

Lied through their teeth, left me lost in the grime.

“Would they have been better off, never meeting my eyes?

Am I just a monster, a father in disguise?”

The weight of their absence, it crushes my chest,

I’m haunted by questions, no peace, no rest.

What if I’d been stronger, what if I’d fought?

Would they still be with me, or was it all for naught?

I’m paralyzed by nightmares, their faces so clear,

“Did I bring them this fate? Am I the one they fear?”

Each moment I linger, I’m lost in the past,

With every dark whisper, I’m fading so fast.

“Fuck this pain, fuck this life, can’t you see I’m a wreck?

I’m drowning in sorrow, I’m a goddamn train wreck.”

I talk to the heavens, but silence replies,

“Did I seal their fate with my own wretched lies?”

I wanted to love them, but fear held me tight,

Now I’m left with the ashes, the ghosts of the night.

“Shit, I’m so broken, I’m lost in this maze,

Where the fuck is the light? I’m trapped in this haze.”

I scream to the heavens, my heart in despair,

“Did my thoughts create darkness, did I doom them to air?”

So here I am, father, a shell of a man,

Haunted by echoes of a life I can’t stand.

“Goddamn it, I loved them, but fear took its toll,

Now I’m left with the ashes, a heart a big fucking hole.”

I’ll carry their names through the depths of my pain,

In this dark, twisted world, I’ll scream them in vain.

“Fuck this life, fuck this fate, can’t you see I’m alone?

With ghosts of my children, I’ll never atone.”

—ŤerryŞalmon—