No matter how many times I wash my hair

The water never cleanes my brain

The memories stay

The memories haunt

And They never go away

I tried it once

Just to test it

But My brain persisted

Fogged with past memories

No matter how many times I dunk my head under water

I can still hear their words in my mind

I tried to wash it away

Don’t you believe me?

No matter how many times i wash my face

I feel as if the tear streaks are ingrained in my cheeks

And I stopped crying

But they stay

They won’t go away

The memories

They sneak up on me

And I scrub and scrub

My ears my face my hair

But all I ever hear is

“You are not good enough”

“Ugly”

“Basic Bitch”

“Weird kid”

“Teachers Pet”

“Cheater”

And the laughs that feel like walls closing in

I know its better

Its been over a year since it last happened

But no matter how much i scrub

I still feel them cornering me

Filming me

Taunting me

Spreading rumors

Sending my back to when it was worse

No matter how hard I try to forget

I will always remember walking behind everyone else

People lagging behind just to chant and taunt at me

And people call me pretty

And I believe them now

But when i was told to stop hating my body

Because it made her insecure

And when I was told I was ugly

When I was told I should have died

It stuck

And it sucks

But in the end I lived

No matter how much I scrub

The memories will never go away

But all I can hope

Is that one day

Maybe the colors will fade.