Trigger warning-

‘The wind blew my hair. I stood on the edge again.’ “It’s sad that this felt so normal to me,” like stars in the sky or fish in the sea. It’s always been a part of me. “I wish I was a beautiful butterfly, who could soar freely above the mountains, forests, and streams.” _

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_I cry because I’m so empty from all the abuse, pain, and lies._

_I cry because no one truly listens to me without getting mad at me._

_I cry because no one believes a word I say, even though I don’t lie._

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_My feet teetered between life and death . I closed my eyes and felt a rush of peace wash over me. I stretched my arms out and I could feel the cold, crisp air across my face. I thought about what a relief it would be to let go. But something was stopping me. I imagined how those I loved would feel so free without me constantly pulling them down. The massive cement blocks attached to their hands and feet would instantly propel them to the top faster than a rocket in outer space. _

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I’m also reminded of how many times I’ve tried and failed. The pain it’s caused. A pain so deep, and excruciating it’s unexplainable with words. This is where I hide, in the darkest corners of my mind—I lock myself in there. I realize that underneath this old woman is a fragile inner child who just wanted to be loved and feel safe. The guilt and shame threatened to drive me insane, but I’m determined to push through like I always do. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, I will continue to stand and fight every time I get knocked down.