My whole life I was celebrated as the judge of justice in the courtroom. But I wasn't happy. I worked too much and neglected my wife that she left me.

We never had any kids, so the divorce was quick and easy. I couldn't even hold her back and stop her. She just took her luggage and left without looking back.

Not only that, but I lost my friends too. In an effort to bring justice to the world, I ended up losing contact with the friends that I had.

I was celebrated as a person of justice; with honor and integrity. But what was the point when I ended up losing everything?

As I continued to wallow in despair at my top luxury apartment and drinking alcohol to make me feel numb, I received a phone call that changed my entire life. Whether this will elevate me to new heights or ruin me entirely depends on how this will turn out. “Hello, Judge Rudy.”

“What do you want, George?” I was not in a great state of mind, so I was in no mood to entertain some big shot CEO.

He just snickers back at me and says, “I need a favor, and I hear you're not in a great place. Maybe I can help.”

“I’m not taking any bribes from you,” I shot back. “You know me better than.”

“Yes, I do.” He answered. “I do know you. I also know you might just accept my deal because there's nothing left for you to protect anymore. Not your wife, not your friends. You're all alone, Rudy.”

“I am still not accepting anything from you.” I remained resolute. “I will cont corrupt myself tk help you.”

“Even if that means you can get back your wife this wife?” he questioned my resolve as he brought up the one person I never wanted to hear again. “You can get her back, Rudy.”

“How?”

“You just need to listen to me.” he replied over the phone as I felt him creep up with a nasty smile when he answered me. “What do you say, Rudy? Does being upright really worth that much to you when you've lost everything?”

“I didn't lose my honor or dignity.” I replied and hang up immediately, as I continued to drink my sorrows away with alcohol.

The following day, I went back to work and I had back-to-back cases in the courtroom while I had a huge handover. I pretended I was fine and continued to world, but then, as I stepped out of that place after judging one of the cases well, I ended up collapsing.

My coworkers found me and brought me to the break room. I ended up sleeping for the next three hours. When I woke up, I was all alone and when I was about to break down in tears from how messed up my life has become. I found a yellow envelope, snuck in my bag so discreetly. “What’s this?”

When I slowly opended it, I found dozens of pictures of my ex-wife going through a lot of blind date, and I hated it. I was driven by rage and jealousy that I made a wrong call. I called George, “what do you need me to do? How can you fix my marriage?”

That day, I ended up falling down the rabbit hole and I don't know if I can climb myself back out.

For the next five years, I worked for the shadiest and worst type of guys for George and his company. I ended up marrying my ex-wife again, but in a way that I am not proud of. If she ever found what I had to do to make her mine again, she would look at me in disgust. That's why she can never find out.

I buried my conscience deep down and avoid thinking about the terrible things I have done, but something happened today that made me look at myself in a different perspective.

I was still celebrated as a man of justice in a courtroom. But that's because they have no idea of what I have done.

Until one day, when I was finishing one of my cases, as per usual. A woman in her 50s came barging in my courtroom. She was in tears as she carried a knife, but before she could deal with any serious damage, guards had stopped her at the front door. She dropped the knife and cried, “why? Why won't you let me kill him? He's no man of justice! He's the reason why my son’s killer walks out scott-free.”

I was frozen in fear, but not because of the knife. Its because I recognized her. She's the mother of the son that was killed in an ‘accident’ at one of George’s companies and I ruled the case against her, despite the overwhelming evidence.

As she was restrained, I couldn't bring myself look at her. Then she choke up her words and people begin to whisper as she cried, “Why? Everyone wants to judge, but nobody wants to listen. Why won't you listen to me?”

I tried approaching her, but I was stopped. Watching her leave with handcuffs and the cops, I realized somethings I was never a man of justice; not in the courtroom or anywhere else. I broke my code for my selfish desires and now I had become a man of corruption and I don't know if I can ever go back.

All I can say to my victims are: “I am sorry, but I won't stop my actions. I can't go back.”

I don't know how to go back. I am way deep in the rabbit hole to be the person I once was.