I stopped.

‘I’m better’ I announce, proud

Everyone cheers, they are proud too

I think

But I don’t smile

I stare, confused

Scared

Alone

As the faces disappear from everyone

How can I tell sincerity when I have a reaction but no expression

The cheering fades, and then

Click

Darkness, the room swallows me whole

I fall into the pit of nothing

As empty space suffocates me

I thought my eyes were open

But they open once more

And it’s light again

But colourless

I see them

They are hugging

Laughing

Smiling

I want to join in

I take a step forward and then

Bam

A wall pushes me back

Invisible glass boundaries

I see them

They don’t notice me

They look happy

It hurts

I can’t breathe

Everything hurts

It’s selfish

Don’t be selfish

And then it’s dark again

They are gone.

I’m alone again

I wonder

If they are still there

Behind the spherical darkness I’m engulfed in

If they are just beyond where my arm reaches out to

Memories surround me

They pinch

Bite

Punch

Kick

And I don’t protect myself, I’m to blame

Weak

I wake up

Even though I was never asleep

I’m on the floor

I look up and it’s three years ago

She’s smiling with me

But she looks different

She’s not quite there

I am

But she’s almost see through

I look at her hands

They are nearly gone

Dust particles floating off from them

No

I turn around and they are back

I see them

They are hugging

Laughing

Smiling

I want to join in

I can’t

I remember

The wall

It hurt me once, I won’t try again

Then they start disappearing

They aren’t moving themselves

But something else

Is dragging them further

And I can’t get closer

And it’s happening again

And then

No

No

Not again

I won’t let it happen again

And then

Click

Darkness once more

Silence

All is gone

I’m alone

It hurts